Penelope Cruz

October 12, 2009

Fug and Fug or Fab: Penelope Cruz

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Penelope Cruz was all over the place this weekend -- drumming up early press for Nine, I guess.

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[Photo: Splash News]

Also, judging from this photo, doing an artful impression of some of the 1980s' most trendily-decorated breakfast rooms, all covered in white trellis and redolent of wicker and Morgan Fairchild and white wine spritzers. Someone somewhere is surely looking at her and thinking, "I can't wait to serve a quiche on that."

Luckily, she went out on Sunday night looking a bit less like somewhere you'd go for brunch with your grandma:

Continue reading Fug and Fug or Fab: Penelope Cruz.
Comments (76) | Posted By Jessica at 10:07 AM in Fug or Fab, Penelope Cruz
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July 31, 2009

Vicky Fugstina Barcelona

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After much thought, I believe I have finally figured out the deal with this:

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It's SO obvious. I felt like Kyra Sedgwick during that moment on every episode of The Closer where she's, like, drinking a Fanta or something and it causes her to realize that OF COURSE the killer is the victim's neighbor's hairdresser's boyfriend, who works at the recycling plant! (Kyra, I love your hair. Please never break up with Kevin. You are my favorite long-term celebrity couple. Should you divorce, I fear the four horsemen and locusts would follow.) P. Cruz is quite clearly engaging in some high-concept, low-tech form of CAMOUFLAGE, allowing her suit to blend in with the red carpet in order to highlight her face (beautiful as ever) and her shoes (which WILL be mine. Oh, yes. They will be mine). I can't believe I didn't put this together earlier! Time to celebrate with a Fanta.  

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 01:12 PM in Penelope Cruz
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May 20, 2009

Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz

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Jessica and I were just discussing poor Penelope Cruz's unfortunately timed food poisoning in Cannes, and how after being forced to skip one event because of it, we admire her for bucking up like a good little camper and making the rounds for her other movie. Even if her poker face is maybe not so great.

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[Photo: WENN.com]

I feel like this photo says, "I am trying so hard to smile, but oh, Lord, I might still be sick. I am wrapped in a giant ace bandage and if I don't hold onto this desk I am going to fall down and vomit all over the floor and that's why I didn't wear a necklace -- because they always flip forward when you're hanging over the toilet and you end up puking on your jewelry -- and someone had better give me a bonus for even being here today because I WANT TO DIE."

She didn't look like she felt much better at the nighttime event:

Continue reading Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz.
Permalink | Posted By Heather at 10:24 AM in Fug or Fab, Penelope Cruz
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February 28, 2007

Oscar Post-Party Fug: Penelope Cruz

We understand why Penelope Cruz changed out of that magnificently show-stopping feathered ball-gown (tough to pull off unless you play the hair, makeup, and accessories to perfection and know how to strut a red-carpet with panache, which she does/did): To be sure, that train would be a nightmare to negotiate at a party. It'd be brown by the time the night ended and half the feathers would be stuck to the bottom of people's borrowed shoes. But still. If my collegiate Spanish classes have stuck at all -- and let's hope they have, because my parents would probably be pleased to see me using at least ONE skill I studied in college -- I can say this: Penelope, vuelvate to the limo and hide there until someone brings you a coat, okay? Because this is not an acceptable follow-up to that red-carpet spectacle. We've covered dresses over pants. Dresses over leggings. And dresses over heads. But dresses over other dresses? That's a new one.

It's like she took a slinky nightie and belted a tube-dress around it. I wish I could've seen this without the distractingly disco attachment. As it stands, we're left to wonder what madness drove her to this, and also, what happens if we tug on the tassels. Does the silver part roll up to reveal a hilarious message? Does her limo show up to sweep her away? Does a shower spray spontaneously appear over Orlando Bloom's head wherever he might be?

So many mysteries.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 09:14 AM in Oscars, Penelope Cruz
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January 15, 2007

Fugver

Penelope Cruz is beautiful. But that doesn't mean she can get away with wearing an actual tiered wedding cake:

Don't feel bad, Pen. It takes a rare woman to pull off pastry-as-clothing. I tried to wear a croissant once, and it was totally humiliating.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 08:09 AM in Penelope Cruz
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October 24, 2006

Volfug

"In a WORLD where only a MAN can be President....In a TIME when our NATION needed a leader MORE THAN EVER...In a LOG CABIN in KENTUCKY....A GIRL CHILD was born. A GIRL who would ONE DAY disguise her TRUE IDENTITY to become THE GREATEST LEADER our COUNTRY has EVER KNOWN:

This Christmas,  PENELOPE CRUZ IS ABRAHAM LINCOLN in the greatest gender-bending story you've NEVER HEARD.  Focus Features presents ABE LINCOLN WAS A CHICK. December 25th. In movie theatres EVERYWHERE."

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 09:33 AM in Penelope Cruz
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