Posh & Becks Archives

September 11, 2009

Vicfugria Beckham

Remember how, when Posh got her boobs reduced, we were afraid it meant she'd go all demure and staid on us in an effort to be taken seriously?

[Photo: Splash News]

Thank GOD we were wrong.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

Fug file:

The fact that our girl Posh was not even close to being the weirdest-dressed Met Ball attendee almost makes me wonder if we're in some kind of alternate universe, where up is down, down is up, high-waisted pants are universally flattering, and Intern George has a blemish.

But she's still the leggy, over-tanned exhibitionist we know and love. Or hate, or just can't be bothered to feel ANYTHING about except a mild urge to pack her back to a life of obscurity. As for how I feel about THIS, I don't know. It has all the Posh hallmarks: huge shoes that don't look especially comfortable (is she en pointe in those things?), a tiny skirt that jettisons her thigh muscles from the unbearable prison of fabric, and an eruption of attempted drama. The minidress kind of reminds me of an old-school swimsuit -- the type of thing we'd call a Bathing Costume, with the merest hint of a snooty accent to remind us that it's from Olden Times. The cape? Maybe a matching cover-up.

But I don't know if it's interesting enough to scream either fug OR fab, yet it's also not dullsville, because it's Posh, and she IS strutting around like a polka-dotted peacock. And when you factor in my general feelings of affection for Her Campiness, it's probably best to let you guys be the voice of judgment.

poll by twiigs.com

March 17, 2009

Fug or Fab: Victoria Beckham

Fug file:

pink,
so very loud

I'm starting to feel like almost every post about Posh should be a Fug or Fab, because I am usually torn between the part of me that loves it when she's cuckoo and the part of me that thinks like a rational human being -- or the part of me that can't tell whether she's NOT being crazy at all, or if I just THINK she's not being crazy because what she's wearing isn't AS crazy as it usually is. Does that make ME crazy? As Gnarls Barkley once mused: possibly.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

So here, one part of my brain thinks, "That is an awesomely bold color, and the outfit is practically demure considering this is a person who once wore a strapless corset and hot pants to a Glamour party celebrating fashionable women. And she kind of pulls it off. I might love it. I might wish I could own it in a hue slightly less turned-up-to-eleven. I might want to know how much boob tape she's using. She might need to lay off the bronzer. I wonder if she's growing out that haircut. Wow, you could use her cheekbones to serve dip at a cocktail party. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, the dress. I STILL might like it."

And then the other part chimes in with, "Yeah, but are you REALLY ready to embrace a dress that looks like the marriage between a giant blazer and a tennis skirt?"

poll by twiigs.com

March 6, 2009

That Extra Half a Fug

Fug file:

Okay, okay, Victoria. I'll do whatever you want, I promise!

[Photo: Splash News]

You want me to tell everyone you're secretly hilarious? I already do that! Do you want me to explain to the internet that your biographies (BOTH OF THEM) are actually really entertaining? I think I already have! They are! I read them in Mexico once with a series of margaritas and it was awesome! Do you want me to track down your never released dance single and make it huge here in America? I...will try, I guess. Just please don't ever dress like the world's chicest East German border guard ever again. You're making me nervous.

December 2, 2008

Fug or Fab: The Weekend Wardrobe of Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

Fug file:

fur,
wearing white

Recently, Heather and I were talking to a British publication about Posh Spice, and the consensus on their side seemed to be that Posh was an over-exposed pain in the behind. Whereas on our side, the consensus (of two) was that she was AWESOME and needed never to leave Los Angeles, because one day we hope to run into her at CVS buying fungal cream or something. Especially if she's wearing THIS:

Is she some kind of international spy, too busy to get her trousers hemmed? And wouldn't it be a thrilling bit of gossip if it turned out that Posh WAS an international spy, and the whole bit with the Spice Girls was just her cover, so she could travel to foreign lands and gain access to a variety of venues more easily? I've decided that's true. After all, who but a glamorous international spy wears a trench coat, a fedora and SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT? I treasure her.

Later, of course, she went undercover:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: The Weekend Wardrobe of Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham.

November 4, 2008

Fug Up Your Life

Fug file:

polls

And people wonder why I cherish Posh:

Who else travels looking like the couture lovechild of Karl Lagerfeld, the chauffeur in an old-time-y movie, an insect, and the sofa in a particularly cheesy gentleman's bachelor pad?

poll by twiigs.com

September 29, 2008

Signature Fugham

Fug file:

secretly awesome

Oh, Posh. You are an endless delight:

[Photos: Splash News]

Once again, Ms Beckham has managed to turn the laws of physics -- as well as gravity, and probably the space-time continuum -- upside down by wearing certifiably insane latex shoe/tights without crashing headlong into: Becks, a wall, the crush of photogs, or the ground. And, seriously, these are some crazy-ass shoes. Let's go to the close-up, shall we?

Continue reading Signature Fugham.

September 9, 2008

Vicfuglia Beckham

Fug file:

JENNIFER: No, no, amiga, OPEN your mouth. Make them think LOVE is about to come out.

POSH: I'm just... I think the hair is bad. People are looking at me oddly.

JENNIFER: Pish! Do you know what I say when that happens?

POSH: What?

JENNIFER: NOTHING. HA HA HA! Nobody ever looks at me oddly. They know better. But seriously, twig lady, do you really care about them? Eh?

POSH: No...

JENNIFER: Do you know what I said when everyone asked me to congratulate Ben and his walking nap for having another baby? I said, "ONE AT A TIME IS FOR LAZY PEOPLE."

POSH: Right...

JENNIFER: And when the world licked the feet of that silly Flipper Boy who won all his medals just for swimming a bunch of laps over and over again, do you know what I did? I went out and trained for a triathlon and shouted, "ONE SPORT AT A TIME IS FOR BORING LITTLE MAGGOTS WITH JUG EARS. GET BACK TO ME WHEN HE GIVES BIRTH AND HE HAS TO FIND TIME TO WORK OUT WHILE PICKING OUT CRYSTAL CHANDELIERS FOR THE BABY'S CLOSET!"

POSH: So you're saying I should buck up and do my own thing, then, yes?

JENNIFER: Si si, Cheekbones!

POSH: Maybe you're right. Maybe this haircut WILL work.

JENNIFER: Yes! Go get them, Halle Berry!

POSH: Wait, no. It's not Halle, darling, it's Victoria.

JENNIFER: AAAAAH! Victoria BECKHAM? ARE YOU SURE?

POSH: Fairly.

JENNIFER: MADRE DE DIOS!!!! IT CANNOT BE!

POSH: But you just said...

JENNIFER: Ay, no, I cannot be here. You are TOUCHED. Step away from me now before I catch your devil insanity.

POSH: ... Great.

August 29, 2008

Fug or Fab: Campy Spice

Fug file:

We got a few e-mails this morning to the effect of, "WHY POSH WHYYYYYYYY?" But of course, I have come to cherish Madam Beckham, so when I saw this picture I thought, "YES, Posh, YES."

[Photos: Splash News]

She brings me such joy. She's standing there all fierce, like, "DRINK ME IN. What do you mean there's something unusual on my back? Surely not FAT CELLS. IT HAD BETTER NOT BE FAT CELLS."

Which, of course, it isn't:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Campy Spice.

June 5, 2008

Fug It Like Beckham

Fug file:

Man Fugs

Oh, BECKS:

Is this what happens when Victoria is out of town? You show up at Gordon Ramsey's new restaurant looking like you might be one of the waiters? Unless you're just really bored in her absence and you have actually taken a gig as one of waiters, in which case I would love a refill on this drink.

Posh & Becks

Vicfugria Beckham

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Victoria Beckham

Fug file:

That Extra Half a Fug

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: The Weekend Wardrobe of Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

Fug file:

Fug Up Your Life

Fug file:

Signature Fugham

Fug file:

Vicfuglia Beckham

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Campy Spice

Fug file:

Fug It Like Beckham

Fug file:

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