Rachel Bilson

October 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Rachel Bilson

This is the part where I talk about how cute Rachel Bilson is, and it's true. She IS really cute.

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Oh, Rachel. I remember when you were on The O.C, and The O.C was good, and we were all so happy and young. Now I'm old, and you don't have a job. Which, by the way, is crazy: you're charming. You seriously should have a TV gig.   In this outfit, actually, you look like you're on your way to the set of a TV version of Reality Bites -- because the 90s are ripe for a period piece nighttime soap -- in which you play, obviously, the Winona Ryder character. It's debatable whether or not I would still RELATE to the Winona Ryder character, as the last time I caught that movie on cable, I wanted to shake her and explain that dating the super hot slacker SEEMS like a good idea when you're 22, but it's actually NOT because that dude will flake on you for the remainder of your relationship and eventually maybe start hitting on your best friend. In fact, I just realized that I think the Ethan Hawke character in Reality Bites is essentially Justin-Bobby. DON'T DATE JUSTIN-BOBBY. It ends in tears.

Also debatable: the relative success of this 90s-inspired little get-up. I kinda like it, but it might just be nostalgia for the time when I didn't have gray hair. (I'm lying, you know. I had gray hair at 18. I've ALWAYS had gray hair.)

September 18, 2009

Fugchel Bilson

Cute girl.

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Possibly cute bra. Totally strange suit made of Ferrero Rocher wrappers; maybe the flash of lingerie was Rachel's way of distracting us from asking ourselves just how many candies had to be scarfed in the making of this outfit. I feel her. Nobody really wants his or her 3 a.m. infomercial-watching eating habits exposed to the world.
July 16, 2009

Fugll and Fugson

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KRISTEN BELL: Heh-heh. Heh.

RACHEL BILSON: What? Why are you laughing like an idiot?

KRISTEN: Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind. Hee. HEE.

RACHEL: This is going to get real annoying, real fast.

KRISTEN: It's just... HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF? HA!

RACHEL: What's wrong with me?

KRISTEN: Oh, I don't know. Could it be that you're wearing cuffed bermuda shorts and a matching blazer in LAMÉ?!?

RACHEL: So? If anyone could pull this off, it's me.

KRISTEN: Julia Roberts wore that outfit in Pretty Woman, except it was in orange, it was culottes, and it was 1990, and she was a hooker who didn't know better.

RACHEL: Oh, come on, admit it -- you secretly think I am working this.

KRISTEN: NEVER. In fact, I think that's the outfit Doc Brown rejected before he went back to 1985 wearing that mustard-colored caftan.

RACHEL: Well, before you throw a stone, maybe look at yourself.

KRISTEN: What's wrong with ME?

RACHEL: You got suckered into wearing one of those messy-looking dresses that seems to be sewn to a tank top. And doesn't look like it fits.

KRISTEN: HA! That's all you've got? Oh, Bilson, I win this one.

RACHEL: Maybe this battle, yeah, but not the war. UNTIL NEXT TIME, Tank Girl.

KRISTEN: Bring it, Cuffs.


March 11, 2009

The Fug.C.

So, it's not like I honestly think poor Adam "Please Hire Me" Brody is at home, still pining over generally-cute-as-a-button-ex Rachel Bilson. But on the off chance that he IS wandering around his house, occasionally sighing and gazing off into space as he think about What Could Have Been and wishing he could have her back....I feel like this might help with that:

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

GIRL. WHAT. NO. HUH? I can't think of a BETTER outfit to wear if you're planning on running into your ex, and you want him to recoil and think, "THANK GOD I got out of THAT ONE." I don't think I have EVER wanted that to happen, but maybe now that she's engaged to Hayden Whatshisnuts, she's feeling charitable. You know, about this fictional scenario I've cooked up to excuse this whole thing.

February 18, 2009

New York Fugshion Week, Day 5

We haven't featured Roisin Murphy nearly enough on our site -- I have a strong feeling she'll be a sleeper contender in Fug Madness this year. Because for her, this is fairly tame:

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I wish it were a better angle on her hair, which sits in a coil on the top of her head like a tempting fresh breakfast pastry. She and the lank-haired Nicole Richie rubbed elbows at the Diesel show on Tuesday night, at which the celeb section was cordoned off to protect the likes of Kate Bosworth from prying reporters. BORING.

Earlier in the day, we got an earful of both Khloe and Kim Kardashian at Badgley Mischka, during which Kim told a story about Reggie Bush being startled by naked models. I know, it sounded wrong to me too.

Then we saw Eva Longoria Parker's stylist try to restrain her from bad choices at Matthew Williamson, and a relatively blah Rachel Bilson in the front row at Max Azria. Finally, we rounded out the day with: a little sass and spandex at Baby Phat, where Aubrey O'Day covered up slightly more of her boobs and ANTM's Whitney Thompson picked up the slack; and Narciso Rodriguez's show, where Kanye West finally whipped out the sunglasses and brought a woman in red plastic leggings. That Kanye always gives us something we can stare at unabashedly. At a 9 p.m. show after a long day, there is no greater present.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 27, 2008

Happy Hallowfugs

Allegedly, Rachel Bilson is wearing this because she went to a Halloween party in costume as a hippie. Which is a huge relief, because at first, I thought, "DEAR GOD NO. Rachel Bilson would never wear those pants SINCERELY unless she had gone blind."

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I mean, right? But I suppose there's always a possibility that she's NOT in costume, and only drew on the tattoos as a cover for her real purpose: president of the "Dumpy Is Humpy" subcommittee at the Mischa Barton/Aubrey O'Day fan convention and group wedding. But since you never see her and any of her old O.C. co-stars together -- least of all Mischa -- I'm assuming the hippie explanation is the real one. That's a big "phew" all around.
October 13, 2008

Well Played, Rachel Bilson

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

RACHEL BILSON: Oh, Hayden.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN: What?

RACHEL: The vest. The VEST. I can't look.

HAYDEN: It's a harness! It's for the commercial I'm shooting. It's not like I'm wearing it to a club.

RACHEL: It looks like a combo lifejacket and nut-sling. What will people SAY?

HAYDEN: They will say, "Hey, Rachel Bilson looks really cute walking next to her boyfriend who is wearing a harness for a commercial he is shooting."

RACHEL: Or they might think you're off your rocker, and that you shouldn't wear scoop-necked tees because you look like a sexually ambiguous French bohemian poet from The Days Of Yore.

HAYDEN: So you're saying I should take this ENTIRE thing off next time we go on a coffee break? Do you know how long it takes me to put it on in the first place?

RACHEL: Hmm. I see your point. Perhaps a very large coat?

HAYDEN: Did I mention you look adorable today? Even WITH the wind blowing your dress around?

RACHEL: Aw. It's true. Okay, fine, you can keep the harness. FOR NOW. I will just carry around a sign that says, "HE'S WEARING IT FOR A JOB, PEOPLE." That should help.

HAYDEN: Hey, would a tiny wager make you feel better?  Ten bucks says one of the Pussycat Dolls sees this and orders ten in different shades.

RACHEL: Done... because I think she will order twenty.

September 29, 2008

Fug or Fab: Rachel Bilson

I've developed quite an affection for Rachel Bilson, due in part to how cute she was on The O.C. and in her Chuck episodes last season, and also because she's been looking super cute lately and I've got a serious case of wardrobe envy.

So it hurts me to say this, but ... when did Rachel Bilson become the fourth Jonas brother?

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[Photo: WENN]

I mean, I try not to live by too many hard-and-fast rules, but I always sort of thought that friends don't let friends turn into the Jonas Brothers. Unless they are trying really hard to make 14-year old girls scream and cry and pass out in malls.

But the thing is, somehow, I secretly think Rachel doesn't look terrible. I suspect it's because she HERSELF is so friggin' adorable, and not because we all need to run out and turn our stash of wrapping ribbons into neckties that match our bowler hats.

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In the interest of starting on a positive note, I must admit that if Aussie magazine Shop 'Til You Drop were available here in the United States, I would totally be a subscriber. I am all about reading articles about fabulous bargains and what beauty editors are actually doing at home, and it goes without saying that I enjoy reading about the secrets of A List Hair (I suspect that in many cases, secret number one is: crazy expensive extensions). And if I were a subscriber, I can guarantee you that on the day I toddled downstairs to get my mail and pulled this out of the box, I would have said aloud to no one, "what is up with Rachel Bilson?" Because -- while I love me some Bilson and think she almost always looks adorable -- she truly could not look more perplexed here. Is the ginormo corset-belt impacting her ability to breath? Does she really hate that hat? Does she just want to get this over with and go home? Because that's how it looks.

On the other hand, I like her skirt. So she's got that going for her.

Most of Rachel Bilson is at a party for Target.


[Photo: Splash News]

But her feet are at a brown-bag-themed high-school party, where everyone is required to swig their wine coolers, Long Island Iced Teas, or Colt 45 from a bottle hidden in a paper sack. But monitor them carefully, Rachel -- you don't want them to end up drunk in the bathroom, wailing for a friend to come in and help them re-snap the crotch piece of their spandex bodysuit. Because I've seen that party before, and it always ends with vomit in the bathtub.

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