Random Fug

Hang onto your hats, folks. This one's a doozy.

I know Jessica thinks she found the worst outfit ever to be featured on GFY, but I think I've topped that with the ensemble of one Ms. Courtney Act:

Ms. Act was apparently a contestant on Australian Idol 2, in addition to being the victim of a cruel genetic experiment that took Fergie's DNA, crossed it with Pamela Anderson's, rapidly aged the resulting mutation, and then let it escape into the wild.

Unfortunately, as we all know, mutations and credit cards don't mix. If you encounter Ms. Act, do not make any sudden movements, as she may become suddenly and violently confused about whether it's her dress, her head, or her breasts that are affixed improperly.  Simply telephone the touring production of The Spearmint Rhino Presents: The Nutcracker Suite, announce that you've found another extra for the Sugar Plum Orgy scene, and retreat to a massage parlor to get a foot rub.

Edited at 3:15 p.m.: Apparently, all of Australia is finely attuned to the Courtney Act PR Radar, and it pinged but good when this entry went up. We've since learned Ms. Act is a drag queen; however, although that explains the outfit away to some degree, it probably does not invalidate the theory about Fergie and Pammy's DNA. And the shoes still look like they're about to break his-her feet. And what is with that makeup, or lack thereof? It's almost as if he-she is a drag queen who isn't trying hard enough. Snap to it, Courtney.

This woman, the so-called "Kate Fischer," claims to be some sort of model or actress in Australia.

Now, it's charming to think you can fit into the same things you wore when you were eight. Really. But when she was eight, that bunch of wooden beads probably didn't act as so vital a fabric-weight; here, its blessedly convenient location seems to be resulting in a pinning-down of the ruffles, lest a strong breeze blow right through her wind tunnel. Thank you, Bead Cluster.

[Whatever's about to metamorphose from that alien larva she's clutching will thank you mightily, too.]

Dear Jessica Fox, Attendee of The Latin Grammy Awards,

I liked your outfit better the first time, when Chardonnay wore it on Footballers Wive$.  Of course, Chardonnay's suit was white, and her bra top was silver lame. And she didn't wear it to an awards show, she wore it shopping with Tanya Turner, who was, in turn, wearing a Pucci mini-dress and a long, crazy fake blonde ponytail, and then they talked about Chardonnay's baby, who of course isn't actually her baby, but her brother-in-law, and who isn't really even her brother-in-law, but actually a hermaphrodite, but still. I liked it better then.

She also had the good sense to forgo the bow tie. And this is a woman whose boobs burst into flames when the polyester lei she was wearing was ignited by someone who was gesturing too broadly with a lit candelabra.

[Photos by Daily Celeb.]

I don't know a thing about this strange showgirl-nymph...

... except that she appears to be as startled by me as I am by her.

Dude! I had NO IDEA that Mattel was making adult-sized versions of Barbie clothes!

I am totally going to get myself pink velour suit that conveniently reverses into a kicky cocktail dress, in that case.

It is at moments like these when I realize that sometimes I don't need to do anything other than just post the photo:

You see, there are fans, and then there are people who get Dave Navarro silk-screened on a dress.

The UK premiere of The Island turned into some kind of bizarre porno bride convention:

You can see this woman's glee at attending a major premiere in her very best hacked-up handkerchief-- pure delight is written all over her face (did I mention I am fluent in botulism?).

But then I imagine her face made a desperate (but ultimately fruitless) attempt to fall in disappointment when she noticed the following woman on the blue carpet:

It's a frighteningly similar theme: wedding gown gone wild. Although this one looks more like she got out of bed with the sheets twisted around her pelvis and decided she didn't feel like changing, so she threw on her best tube top and bolted. 

I like to think the whole thing ended happily, with the two of them swapping numbers, bikini waxers, and collagen suppliers before disappearing arm-in-arm into the pages of Maxim Bride. But I suspect there was really just a lot of glaring and jealous huffing, followed by migraines induced by trying to furrow their paralyzed brows in a simulation of anger as they fired their stylists.

One of the women in this photo is pregnant. One is not.

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

I'll give you a hint: It's not Mary Catherine Garrison, the starlet in the foreground. No, she's just wearing an ill-advised, blousy, empire-waisted dress that swallows her whole. Indeed, in combination with some overly territorial shoes that are seizing just about every inch of pediterritory possible, she looks quite stumpy. And... are those buttons along the neckline? Did she really need spares?

Meanwhile, Ming-Na is just casually glowing in the background, incubating her fetus and yet somehow looking less preggers than the apparently not knocked-up (and that's the way the nuns like it!) Mary Catherine . Perhaps Ming-Na's knowing grin is less one of maternal joy, though, and more one of relief that she herself didn't choose an outfit in an excrement-themed color palette.

Perhaps this is a stunt fug. Perhaps NBC is putting the "PR" in "pregnant" by having one star of its new fertility-clinic drama actually be befetused, while shoving the other into a maternity bag to create the illusion that she too might be ripe. ... But, no, I suspect it's just bad judgment.

This is the type of dress that makes bees horny. It's the suit that makes Anne Geddes tingle with glee, inspired to orgasm at the thought of photographing more potted babies. But unfortunately for the lovely Lisa Vidal, it's also the kind of suit that scorches retinas, whips up migraines in the heads of the unprotected, and makes her look like she's trying to sell shoddy real-estate to a couple of pensioners who are moving to Florida.

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

It would seem that the "necktie required" dress code contains a rather large loophole.