Random Fug

May 18, 2005

Random Fug

Fug file:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

This woman is a trend casserole: hat, cropped sweater, tube top, waist chain, low-rise rolled-up capri jeans, and knee-high boots, all thrown together and served up like so many leftovers. Unfortunately for her, casseroles tend to go bad after a few days; fortunately for us, a photo is forever.

Added 2:56 p.m.: Apparently, a photo is forever, and e-mails are plentiful. It's been brought to our attention that we got so drunk on the fug cocktail above -- and were so disinclined to stare at her crotch -- that we missed noticing that poor, sad Fugly Casserole up there left her cat flap open. Yes, the only zipper on her trousers that actually NEEDS to be there is hanging undone and unexamined. We can only hope that this isn't one of the trends she's mixing and matching, lest people with truly scary kitties take notice and take action.

May 13, 2005

Random Fug II: Pants of Terror

Fug file:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Are those... could it be... is that a JUMPSUIT? A satin jumpsuit? On someone other than Joan Collins (who would have paired it with a kicky turban)?

I... I'm hyperventilating.

May 13, 2005

Random Fug

Fug file:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Having watched Cinderella one too many times, Rachel Sterling was agonized to learn the hard way that mice and birds -- though jolly -- are terrible tailors and should not be trusted.

May 12, 2005

Fug College

Fug file:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Jennifer Hall's first class at clown college: "Hilarious Stances: How To Bend Your Body Seventeen Ways In One Pose." I hear her grades are also excellent in "Whimsical Footwear and You," and the all-important "Show Your Underwear Band 101."

She needs help with her costuming, though -- she looks a bit too much like the Artful Dodger all done up for a night on the town.

May 11, 2005

Random Fug

See, this is just wrong:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

I could start out by noting that the proportions of this outfit are totally, totally off: the long shirt/cuffed jeans/short boots makes her look outrageously stumpy. But instead, I’ll note that each component of said Proportion Disaster is singularly awful. The tunic-length, lingerie-inspired, slip-thingie? No. There’s a way to wear that and this isn’t it. [The way to wear it, by the way, starts with deciding against cinching one of your grandmother’s Dacyron Demi-Slips from Sears and pretending it’s a fashion statement.] The jeans? Oh, honey. No. I get the cropped thing, but these look like they were rolled up because you were out mucking around in the garden and you didn’t want to sully the cuffs. They’re not even…well, even.

Let’s not speak of the boots, which shouldn’t ever even be paired with this outfit.

Frankly, I blame Mary Kate Olsen for all of this. Derelict-Chic is hard enough for her to pull off, and she’s riding high on the combined goodwill from New York Minute [admittedly, said goodwill comes only from me, and I have no defense for it, other than reminding everyone that said film does include a make-over at an establishment called House of Bling], and because she’s so skinny and sad. This aging little starlet, whomever she may be – I have already forgotten her name, in fact, although I think it might be Hilary Something Or Other – has no such cache to fall back on. So I wonder if she should try falling back on, you know, not dressing like a deranged cowgirl who’s been startled out of a deep sleep in the back corner of JC Penney’s Intimate’s section.

May 3, 2005

Random Fug

Fug file:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

I fear the top of actress/producer Julia Verdin's dress was gnawed off by whatever it is that attacked the bottom. As for the rest... well, she's on her own. But that thing around her waist is either the world's largest merit badge, or the World Embroidery Championships' title belt. Because it sure as hell doesn't belong attached to a metallic-silver bra and a BeDazzled skirt.

April 21, 2005

Random Fug

Fug file:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Good luck at clown college, Jennifer Hall!

April 20, 2005

Random Fug

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

These pants are:

a) Part of a performance-art campaign that urges you to choose static cling and be proud of it;

b) Shrinking up in fright, because they don't want to touch crusty, untied brown boots that look like they've been outside all day doing yardwork;

c) The loving creation of an epileptic orangutan.

I just can't decide.

April 19, 2005

Fug Unit

Fug file:

Things I Learned Today:
There is a Zappa named Diva:

And she can't dress herself.

Seriously, the stripes? The tie-dyed skirt THING? The mismatched shoes? The messenger bag? The exposed skin? I mean, there's Quirky and then there's Legally Blind, and I worry she might be the latter.

April 5, 2005

The Fug Whisperer

Meet Samantha Jade. I'd tell you what she's done to wrangle an invite to the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards, but I have no idea. And IMDb is no help. And when IMDb is no help, you really are in dire celebrity straits.

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

I suspect most of the wrangling she's done -- judging from her outfit -- involves steers. Or snakes, since she appears to have fashioned a primitive halter strap from the hide of a defenseless rattler. Or even cotton -- sweet, innocent cotton -- which has clearly fallen prey to her merciless shears in the name of ugly tops.

You know that old adage about looking at yourself in the mirror before leaving the house and removing one accessory? Ms Jade would do well to heed that adage, and save countless cows, snakes and human eyeballs.

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