Sharon Stone

November 17, 2009

Slivfug

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I am so excited for you guys to see this. I am so excited about it that I actually turned to Heather at a party we were attending last night and whispered, "I can't WAIT to go home and write about Sharon Stone!"

Because it all started with this:

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She looks like a spy who's about to burst into a Fosse routine in celebration of finally nabbing her man, complete with hat-related choreography. And truly that would be enough for me -- the leather! The lipstick! The headgear! I'm happy. But because someone loves me, that turned into THIS:

Continue reading Slivfug.
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 08:10 AM in Sharon Stone
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October 27, 2009

Basic Fugstinct III: The Fuggening

When I first saw this photo of Sharon Stone, I thought she was wearing a jumpsuit.

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You can imagine MY DESPAIR when I realized it was just a dress. BORING, Sharon. I expect better from YOU, of all people.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:22 AM in Sharon Stone
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May 21, 2009

Inglourious Fugterds

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Oh, Sharon Stone. You are always surprising me. For example, when I first saw you at Cannes, I made all kinds of assumptions:

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Were you wearing a long gown with a slit on the side, like so many other women at Cannes this year? Are you yawning because your dress is really boring? Why is that photographer looking so perplexed?
Continue reading Inglourious Fugterds.
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 09:29 AM in Sharon Stone
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February 24, 2009

Oscar Post-Party Fug: Sharon Stone

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Only Sharon Stone could prompt the comment, "Sharon Stone looks great, even if she is essentially topless":

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It's Sharon Stone. OF COURSE she is essentially topless and also kind of looks great. If I were Sharon Stone, I suspect I would wear this sort of thing everywhere -- to Hurry Curry for chicken tikka, to the corner store to pick up FroYo, to the dry cleaners to pick up all my other sheer gowns. And when people were all, like, "dude, I can see your nips," I would be all, "I AM SHARON STONE," and they would be, "oh. You have a point," and then I would sweep out to go pick up my dragon at the groomers. I sort of wish I could experience that. You know, in a Being John Malkovich kind of way. I think I'd like to experience Being Sharon Stone. Can you imagine? For one thing, you'd probably spend ten minutes just crossing and uncrossing your legs and giggling. Then you'd call Michael Douglas's house and hang up when CZJ answered. The possiblities are really kind of endless.
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 01:43 PM in Oscars, Sharon Stone
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February 11, 2009

Annoyingly Well Played BAFTA Red Carpet: Sharon Stone

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"HELLO BITCHES! I know. I know. You don't need to say it. I LOOK AWESOME. And WHY? Why do I look so awesome? BECAUSE I AM AWESOME, THAT'S WHY. I was dancing around my hotel room today to the Christian Bale Temper Tantrum Dance Remix -- that kid is so misunderstood, I need to remember to fax him a little poem I wrote about him -- and thinking to myself, 'Sharon, enough with the frocks made from the shredded loins of wee rodents and the bralessness and the terrible eye-makeup that makes me look like I was assaulted by the new boy working the Benefit counter and the wearable/edible pintas and the hat made of corn chips. In this time of massive economic suckery, the world doesn't need Sharon Stone 2.0: The Courtney Love Years. It needs Sharon Stone 1.0: The Sharon Stone Years.' And so I'm BACK, bitches. BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER. Lock up your menfolk and hide the scotch, because I am here to stay! PS: I wasn't sure about the hose with this, and then I was like, WHO CARES? I'm Sharon f'ing Stone."
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 10:17 AM in Misc. Awards Shows, Sharon Stone, Well Played
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November 14, 2008

Fugsic Fugstinct

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SHARON STONE: MELISSA GEORGE!

MELISSA GEORGE: Sharon Stone?

SHARON: Who else would I be?

MELISSA: Uh. No one. Just you! You're clearly yourself! That's a well-cut suit! I have to go now!

SHARON: Tell me who you thought I was, Little Miss Heidi Braids, before I decide to wear you as a hat.

MELISSA: That might be an improv -- I mean, never mind! What do you think of my dress?

SHARON: It's fine. I had a crayon that color once. Name names, kitten.

MELISSA: It's your hair, Sharon. There's something about it that...reminds me of Cojo. I'M SORRY. But he's LOVELY.

SHARON: Oh, is that all? That's totally what I was going for. TIME FOR THE BAR!

MELISSA: Always.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 12:41 PM in Melissa George, Sharon Stone
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September 4, 2008

My Very Own Fug Song

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S_Stone_010.jpg "Hello? America? Are you looking at my nipples? Just checking. Okay, talk to you later! Bye!"
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:37 AM in Sharon Stone
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May 5, 2008

Fug or Fab: Sharon Stone

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You make the call regarding perennial Fug Fave, crazy, gorgeous (and sometimes crazy gorgeous) Sharon Stone, who may or may not have had yet another run-in with the vicious, clothes-hating animal so prone to shredding her clothes that we accidentally ended up dubbing the woman Rapid Beaver. For so many reasons. Some of which are very, very juvenile. But some of which stem from the fact that she often looks like she's fresh from a tangle with a toothy rodent so evil it prompts me to make terrible typos:

And yet, I kind of love it. Is that wrong? Tell me what to think:

polls by twiigs.com...
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:29 AM in Fug or Fab, Sharon Stone
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April 7, 2008

Five Fugs a Day

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"And so I said to HIM, 'Yeah, so my hair IS an homage to Luke Perry's sensitive work in that thing about those kids. My LEGS are FANTASTIC.'"

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:00 AM in Sharon Stone
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April 4, 2008

Well Played: Rapid Beaver

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"DELIGHT IN MY GLORY, YOU FOOLS! Was I eliminated in the first round of Fug Madness, HUMILIATINGLY, by some plastic cast-off of McFly's, like Leggings Lohan? NAY! Have countless individuals admitted on the internet that they can't get enough of my furry delights? YES! Do I have to wake up in the morning and worry about whether or not I have been batshit crazy enough to topple that wackadoo, Bai Ling? NO! Can I just eat my Komodo  dragon omelet in peace as usual? OUI! LIFE IS GOOD, DARLINGS! I'm just going to put on this lovely suit that's probably lined with baby seal and DANCE!" 

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 12:00 PM in Sharon Stone
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