Unfug It Up

You might think I would object to this dress on the basis of the giant flower alone.

libarian_awards_27_wenn2640118.jpg
[Photos: WENN.com]

Not true. There is potential in that flower. It has gumption. It would walk into a CEO's office, straight past the protesting assistant, and demand to be considered for a promotion. No, more than that, it would impersonate its boss while said boss is recovering from a broken leg sustained during a skiing accident, borrow liberally from the boss's wardrobe, arrange a major deal with Harrison Ford that involves crashing a dude's daughter's wedding just to convince him to take a meeting with you, get a horrendous haircut that's supposed to be more chic and professional than her teased-up ferry-proof hair, dump stupid cheating Alec Baldwin, and then win the day and an office of her own when the boss returns and tries to claim the brilliant deal idea as her own -- all while delivering its lines with the diction of a 13-year old girl who accidentally drank a glass of scotch. That flower has moxie.

But those shoes have a giant blackhead. And the blue print blossoms on the skirt are kind of distracting, like the dress fell down hard and bruised itself. Not to mention that Leighton's lank mane is kind of competing with the bloom that's growing from her torso. There is a lot going on here, and what I'm saying is, I don't think all blame can be pinned on the very dramatic chest flower.

In the interests of full disclosure, or at least as full as I can make it, here is a photo that shows the back:

This one is tricky, right?

spl135993_027.jpg

It's a gorgeous dress...if you're a kicky and/or child bride. Otherwise, I think it's kind of hard to pull off, no matter how ostensibly beautiful the dress (or you) are. Me, I'd....well, I'd start by giving the girl some different shoes. These are surely lovely, but they -- and the bag -- make her look like she's just trying this dress on and showing us all for our thoughts before changing into the outfit she REALLY wore outside. How woulod you fix this? Or are you into it, just as it is?

October 22, 2009

Unfug It Up: Martha Plimpton

This is....intriguing.

92176965.jpg

If I may be frank ("Hello, Frank!"), I kind of like the fabric, although I think I would rather have it on a series of throw pillows in my fictional pool cabana than on a dress, pillows perhaps to be found under my head whilst Josh Jackson massages my feet and explains that Diane Kruger is SO OKAY with him leaving her for me that she's sent me $10,000 worth of Louboutins as a congratulatory gift. And the dress itself feels reminiscent of Lucy Ricardo, getting up to some shenangians with Ethel while Ricky is very busy doing something with bongos at the Tropicana. And that something, of course, may turn out to be HILARIOUS, but is probably not going to be super ATTRACTIVE as it will more than likely involve a face plant into a pastry of some kind. Listen, Martha Plimpton, what I'm saying is: I want to see more skin. You were in The Goonies. Represent. 

But what do you think? Down here, in the comments, it's your time. Be excellent to one another.
My friend Marissa and I have had the same discussion several times over the last few months, and it is this: Is it possible to wear over-the-knee boots without looking like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

91924845.jpg

She says yes; I am more doubtful. Let's use Audrina here as a handy visual aid to illustrate both sides of that argument. From the front, to my way of thinking, she does not look as though she's practicing the world's oldest profession. She might be considering it, sure, but she hasn't pulled that trigger. And who hasn't been there, am I right, ladies? Ladies? Hey, you guys? Fine. But you hear me: it's saucy, but not SAUCY. It's sexy, but not SEX-Y. It's SEXY, but not... full-on PROSTITUTION-Y.

Let's look at it from the back:
October 14, 2009

Unfug It Up: Vera Farmiga

I don't know if you saw Orphan, but you should have. It was AWESOME. My friend Grant saw it like three times, and he wasn't wrong. I mean, sure, it wasn't exactly GOOD. But it was SO EXCELLENT in its terribleness. I mean, the evil child turned out to be SPOILER ALERT DON'T SEND ME AN EMAIL BLAMING ME FOR SPOILING ORPHAN FOR YOU JOIN US AFTER THE PHOTO IF YOU'RE STILL HOLDING ON TO THE ILLUSION THAT YOU MIGHT WATCH THIS THING a psychotic adult Eastern European prostitute with a glandular disorder. THAT is a REVEAL.

91825348.jpg

Welcome back, spoiler-phobes. Anyhoodle, Vera Farmiga here plays the mother in Orphan and she is seriously quite good it in and rather sexy. (Pursuant to that last point, the movie also features a fair amount of naked-ish Peter Saaaaarrrssssggggaaaaaaarrrrrddddd, which is never a bad thing.) Which is why I want to grab her here and shake her and then render some kind of, "Why, Miss Farmiga, you're BEAUTIFUL" moment where I take off the cardigan and hike up the skirt a wee bit and transform her from Musty Librarian to Sexy Librarian. It CAN be done. What would you do? Tell us in the comments.

October 13, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

At first, I thought this photo was going to be of Blake Lively. You can probably guess why:

91759981.jpg

Mountains of hair, low cut, lots of leg, and -- which you'll see after the jump -- an open back:

October 8, 2009

Fugla Patton

Paula Patton wore this the day after she donned this recently fugged number, so clearly it was a very heady and crazy time for her. I look forward to the day her cheesy husband Robin Thicke writes an irritating slow jam all about watching her get dressed in crazy stuff and wanting to stop her.

Perhaps in person this was ravishing, and the photo doesn't do it justice, but when I saw it I shuddered:

91534139.jpg

She looks thoroughly upholstered. Between the sleeve and the matching handbag****, it's a LOT of pattern. I'm going to start calling her Paula Pattern. HA. HILARITY. I will pause while you stitch back together your splitting sides.

**** Well, hot damn, my eyes deceived me, it IS a ruffle. I thought it was a clutch she was holding vertically. That ... well, it's still too much, like the dress has a floral tongue.

Maybe not much can be done that isn't pure fantasy, but I think the entire thing would be improved vastly without the sleeve and with a clutch that evokes the color of the shoes. Or even ANY solid color. I feel like the floral is salvageable, but she just needs it to be less aggressive on the left half of her body. After a while it starts to look a bit like cheerful gangrene.

What would you do? Add a second sleeve? Change the neckline altogether? Keep the mono-sleeve but change its shape? Nothing? Everything? Chat it up in the comments. Keep it on-topic, keep it clean, keep it friendly, keep the faith, love will keep us together.
October 6, 2009

Unfug It Up: Malin Akerman

* Whoops, comments weren't opened before - but they are now, so read on...

Is it terrible that every time I see an ad for Couples Retreat, I want to die? Mostly because Jason Bateman is in it, I'm worried it's going to be terrible, and I love Jason Bateman and have since I was 8 and he was on Silver Spoons and I just want to PROTECT HIM FROM HARM? I also keep confusing it with The Perfect Getaway and I keep expecting the trailer to turn all...you know, freaky and scary and then I'm all like, "They're totally pulling a bait and switch on the marketing of this thing," and then I realize that, once again, I have no idea what I'm even talking about.

91473078.jpg

Which is why I'm turning it over to you to fix Malin Akerman here. I think she looks like she has a skirt pulled over another dress and has been the victim of a particularly violent ruching aficionado, but, again: I'm a confused person.

So, have at it, readers: please be as on topic and constructive as always.
October 1, 2009

Unfug It Up: Eve

Let's start at the top: Why does it look like Eve is wearing a toupee on top of her actual hair?

91269187.jpg

The rest of the outfit looks kind of like Rapunzel with a support-garment fetish. Personally, I'd hack off the sleeves and call it 100 percent better, but since I'm also a bit sick of boning and corsetry, I could stand to repave either the skirt or the top or both with some fabric that doesn't show all that. Also: Boning and Corsetry should be the title of a randy bodice-ripper with Fabio on the cover. It could be Project Runway but set in the 17th century, and with a lot more sexual allusions drawn to things like "broken bobbins" and "one day you're in, and the next, you're out." Excuse me, I have to go start writing...

In the meantime, while I am churning out pages of this future literary masterwork, what would you do to Eve's dress? (It goes without saying, I think, that the hair needs to be destroyed.) Have at it in the comments. The usual rules apply: be on-topic, be nice, be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
September 28, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

I can't remember if we've discussed this on GFY yet, or just on our Twitter, but the new Melrose Place is seriously pretty good, especially Katie Cassidy here:

91163917.jpg

In addition to looking very Amanda Woodward 2.0, she sort of acts like Amanda Woodward 2.0, although she hasn't yet shamed anyone into alcoholism or suicide. I look forward to her interactions with Amanda Woodward: Original Flavor once Heather Locklear makes her sure-to-be-triumphant return to the building. Speaking of which, I was just thinking last night that Amanda Woodward is totally the Don Draper of the early '90s. Think about it: extremely good at advertising; sleeps around (occasionally for work purposes but often just for fun); can not be bested by mealy-mouthed, bratty underlings (Allison/Pete) regardless of the effort put into said weaselly machinations; concealing a secret and unflattering past; dabbles in intermittent substance abuse; in an office full of people wearing suits, is easily the hottest; has noteworthy hair. If this pattern holds true, then I fear season four of Mad Men is going to involve Joan ripping off a wig and then blowing up Sterling Cooper, after Roger Sterling accidentally-on-purpose kidnaps Peggy and she sort of likes it. Just to forewarn you.

But Miss Cassidy here, while seriously pretty awesome on MP, needed a little styling help over the weekend, am I right? I actually don't mind either halves of her look independently. It's just that together they make a total Fashion Plates moment, making her look as though she's had a terrible accident where the top half of her body has been mistakenly grafted onto someone else's bottom half, which, as I understand it, happens all the time.

Now, if I were her stylist, I would have just given her...wait, this isn't about me. What would YOU do? (Remember, please be nice and stay on topic.)

Search

Fug Favorites


Featured Fugger

Bai Ling

The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!

Subscribe to GFY

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner