Unfug It Up Archives

October 16, 2009

Unfug It Up: Audrina Patridge

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My friend Marissa and I have had the same discussion several times over the last few months, and it is this: Is it possible to wear over-the-knee boots without looking like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

She says yes; I am more doubtful. Let's use Audrina here as a handy visual aid to illustrate both sides of that argument. From the front, to my way of thinking, she does not look as though she's practicing the world's oldest profession. She might be considering it, sure, but she hasn't pulled that trigger. And who hasn't been there, am I right, ladies? Ladies? Hey, you guys? Fine. But you hear me: it's saucy, but not SAUCY. It's sexy, but not SEX-Y. It's SEXY, but not... full-on PROSTITUTION-Y.

Let's look at it from the back:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Audrina Patridge.

October 14, 2009

Unfug It Up: Vera Farmiga

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I don't know if you saw Orphan, but you should have. It was AWESOME. My friend Grant saw it like three times, and he wasn't wrong. I mean, sure, it wasn't exactly GOOD. But it was SO EXCELLENT in its terribleness. I mean, the evil child turned out to be SPOILER ALERT DON'T SEND ME AN EMAIL BLAMING ME FOR SPOILING ORPHAN FOR YOU JOIN US AFTER THE PHOTO IF YOU'RE STILL HOLDING ON TO THE ILLUSION THAT YOU MIGHT WATCH THIS THING a psychotic adult Eastern European prostitute with a glandular disorder. THAT is a REVEAL.

Welcome back, spoiler-phobes. Anyhoodle, Vera Farmiga here plays the mother in Orphan and she is seriously quite good it in and rather sexy. (Pursuant to that last point, the movie also features a fair amount of naked-ish Peter Saaaaarrrssssggggaaaaaaarrrrrddddd, which is never a bad thing.) Which is why I want to grab her here and shake her and then render some kind of, "Why, Miss Farmiga, you're BEAUTIFUL" moment where I take off the cardigan and hike up the skirt a wee bit and transform her from Musty Librarian to Sexy Librarian. It CAN be done. What would you do? Tell us in the comments.

October 13, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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At first, I thought this photo was going to be of Blake Lively. You can probably guess why:

Mountains of hair, low cut, lots of leg, and -- which you'll see after the jump -- an open back:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy.

October 8, 2009

Fugla Patton

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Paula Patton wore this the day after she donned this recently fugged number, so clearly it was a very heady and crazy time for her. I look forward to the day her cheesy husband Robin Thicke writes an irritating slow jam all about watching her get dressed in crazy stuff and wanting to stop her.

Perhaps in person this was ravishing, and the photo doesn't do it justice, but when I saw it I shuddered:

She looks thoroughly upholstered. Between the sleeve and the matching handbag****, it's a LOT of pattern. I'm going to start calling her Paula Pattern. HA. HILARITY. I will pause while you stitch back together your splitting sides.

**** Well, hot damn, my eyes deceived me, it IS a ruffle. I thought it was a clutch she was holding vertically. That ... well, it's still too much, like the dress has a floral tongue.

Maybe not much can be done that isn't pure fantasy, but I think the entire thing would be improved vastly without the sleeve and with a clutch that evokes the color of the shoes. Or even ANY solid color. I feel like the floral is salvageable, but she just needs it to be less aggressive on the left half of her body. After a while it starts to look a bit like cheerful gangrene.

What would you do? Add a second sleeve? Change the neckline altogether? Keep the mono-sleeve but change its shape? Nothing? Everything? Chat it up in the comments. Keep it on-topic, keep it clean, keep it friendly, keep the faith, love will keep us together.

October 6, 2009

Unfug It Up: Malin Akerman

* Whoops, comments weren't opened before - but they are now, so read on...

Is it terrible that every time I see an ad for Couples Retreat, I want to die? Mostly because Jason Bateman is in it, I'm worried it's going to be terrible, and I love Jason Bateman and have since I was 8 and he was on Silver Spoons and I just want to PROTECT HIM FROM HARM? I also keep confusing it with The Perfect Getaway and I keep expecting the trailer to turn all...you know, freaky and scary and then I'm all like, "They're totally pulling a bait and switch on the marketing of this thing," and then I realize that, once again, I have no idea what I'm even talking about.

Which is why I'm turning it over to you to fix Malin Akerman here. I think she looks like she has a skirt pulled over another dress and has been the victim of a particularly violent ruching aficionado, but, again: I'm a confused person.

So, have at it, readers: please be as on topic and constructive as always.

October 1, 2009

Unfug It Up: Eve

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purple

Let's start at the top: Why does it look like Eve is wearing a toupee on top of her actual hair?

The rest of the outfit looks kind of like Rapunzel with a support-garment fetish. Personally, I'd hack off the sleeves and call it 100 percent better, but since I'm also a bit sick of boning and corsetry, I could stand to repave either the skirt or the top or both with some fabric that doesn't show all that. Also: Boning and Corsetry should be the title of a randy bodice-ripper with Fabio on the cover. It could be Project Runway but set in the 17th century, and with a lot more sexual allusions drawn to things like "broken bobbins" and "one day you're in, and the next, you're out." Excuse me, I have to go start writing...

In the meantime, while I am churning out pages of this future literary masterwork, what would you do to Eve's dress? (It goes without saying, I think, that the hair needs to be destroyed.) Have at it in the comments. The usual rules apply: be on-topic, be nice, be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.

September 28, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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I can't remember if we've discussed this on GFY yet, or just on our Twitter, but the new Melrose Place is seriously pretty good, especially Katie Cassidy here:

In addition to looking very Amanda Woodward 2.0, she sort of acts like Amanda Woodward 2.0, although she hasn't yet shamed anyone into alcoholism or suicide. I look forward to her interactions with Amanda Woodward: Original Flavor once Heather Locklear makes her sure-to-be-triumphant return to the building. Speaking of which, I was just thinking last night that Amanda Woodward is totally the Don Draper of the early '90s. Think about it: extremely good at advertising; sleeps around (occasionally for work purposes but often just for fun); can not be bested by mealy-mouthed, bratty underlings (Allison/Pete) regardless of the effort put into said weaselly machinations; concealing a secret and unflattering past; dabbles in intermittent substance abuse; in an office full of people wearing suits, is easily the hottest; has noteworthy hair. If this pattern holds true, then I fear season four of Mad Men is going to involve Joan ripping off a wig and then blowing up Sterling Cooper, after Roger Sterling accidentally-on-purpose kidnaps Peggy and she sort of likes it. Just to forewarn you.

But Miss Cassidy here, while seriously pretty awesome on MP, needed a little styling help over the weekend, am I right? I actually don't mind either halves of her look independently. It's just that together they make a total Fashion Plates moment, making her look as though she's had a terrible accident where the top half of her body has been mistakenly grafted onto someone else's bottom half, which, as I understand it, happens all the time.

Now, if I were her stylist, I would have just given her...wait, this isn't about me. What would YOU do? (Remember, please be nice and stay on topic.)

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Jessica Lowndes

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I can't remember what 90210's Jessica Lowndes's hair looked like back when I was watching that show the first time -- I stopped watching, and then EW said it was entertaining again and I picked it back up, and it IS kind of more entertaining now -- but regardless, she has been looking very pretty indeed lately. But let's talk about this outfit:

I feel like it's CLOSE to good and yet not quite there. I kind of almost wish it was a weeeeee bit shorter, or that she'd paired different shoes with it. Something about the dress's length, plus the straps of the shoes feels a teensy bit off for me. I might make the dress itself closer to knee-length, and give her more traditional looking shoes -- you know, with the thought being that if you're going to drift toward a sort of 50s prom look, you might as well just REALLY GO THERE. I mean, not in a costume-y way, but...COMMIT. COMMIT, LADIES!

But what would you do, readers? I feel that this needs some tweaking in order to shut it down, so that we can all die/go bananas, a la Rachel Zoe. Please enlighten us! (Nicely, as usual.)

September 3, 2009

Unfug It Up: Eva Mendes

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animal print,
red

It is a measure of how much I secretly love The Rachel Zoe Project that, in looking at this, all I can hear is Rachel saying in a frantic tone that she needs to find something for Eva to wear to Venice, while Taylor pulls her hair over her face and looks put-upon and Brad looks sympathetic and slightly nervous.

I must admit that, while I don't wholly dislike this -- I don't THINK -- I am neither dying, nor am I going bananas. I think, for me, the big issue is that she seems under-accessorized (though you'd think the pattern on this dress would be accessory enough), and I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the headband. I just want to snatch it off her head and drive away in that boat. Eva Mendes is not Blair Waldorf and while I love Blair Waldorf as much as the next girl: Thank god. If I learned anything from the last Fashion Week, it's that most grown-ass women in twee headbands look ridiculous and I feel like...this is bearing that out. But what about the rest of it? Do you love? Hate? Feel the crushing ennui of total indifference? Are you concerned that the fabric was inspired by the collected leggings of Van Halen? You get to play Rachel Zoe in this scenario, so play nice and get to work.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Molly Burnett

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green,
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Ah, a girl's first Daytime Emmy Awards. Such a special, unforgettable time.

Special because she gets to go and mingle with industry luminaries -- and they DO EXIST, people; Susan Lucci does not get to be the personification of Awards Show Failure by being a dim light in entertainment -- and unforgettable because someday Molly will look at this photo and think, "Well. Whoever suggested I hide the dirt on my hem by pinning the outer layer to my underpants was an IDIOT." The poor kid also suffers from Boobs Akimbo Syndrome and its dastardly relative, Wonky Waist Detail Disease. I'll see her name-calling of the person who suggested this outfit, and raise her a serious finger wagging at whoever unlocked the limo doors.

What would you do to fix this, Fug Nation? I think the silly second hemline should be nixed, and then it needs refitting along the bust. I also might get rid of the studded waist, because it looks kind of like a cheap bracelet you'd buy at an open-air stand along a beach boardwalk. But that's just one idea. Put on your Rachel Zoe caftans and have your way with this outfit. You know the rules: Stay on topic, be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.

Unfug It Up

Unfug It Up: Audrina Patridge

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Unfug It Up: Vera Farmiga

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Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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Fugla Patton

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Unfug It Up: Malin Akerman

Unfug It Up: Eve

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Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Jessica Lowndes

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Unfug It Up: Eva Mendes

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Daytime Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Molly Burnett

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