Venus and/or Serena Williams

October 13, 2009

Fug Open

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Look, I love Serena Williams. I just do. During Outburstgate at the US Open, I just kind of wanted to grab her and ask her what she was thinking, point out that the only really advisable way to emulate John McEnroe is by playing excellent tennis, and then hug her and go take her out for a beer with Kim Clijsters, who also probably really needed one.  HOWEVER. What I do not love is:

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THAT is a SHIRT. Or -- and this just occurred to me -- it is a very formal tennis dress, in which case I cannot wait to see her play in those shoes.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 01:38 PM in Venus and/or Serena Williams
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July 16, 2009

The ESPYS Fug Carpet/Well Played: The Williams Sisters

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VENUS WILLIAMS: Dude.

SERENA WILLIAMS: What?

VENUS: This isn't cool, Serena.

SERENA: What are you talking about?

VENUS: You look AMAZING.

SERENA: Thanks! The last few weeks have been AWESOME. I'm really happy!

VENUS: That's what I'm talking about. Right there. That.

SERENA: I'm not following.

VENUS: We had a DEAL.

SERENA: Which deal is that? We have many deals. My favorite is the one with Oreo, with that commercial where we're having that press conference trash-talk-off with the Manning brothers and they're all, "It's on like Donkey Kong." That turned out really well. It's a really cute ad.

VENUS: No. A deal. Between you and me. A sisterly deal.

SERENA: You're going to have to refresh my memory.

VENUS: YOU WON WIMBLEDON THIS YEAR.

SERENA: Wasn't that AWESOME? Well. Maybe not totally for you. But then we won the doubles match! Again! And you won Wimbledon in 2007 AND 2008, so how steamed can you be, really, Venus? We're awesome TOGETHER! I'm just...awesomer this year. That's all.

VENUS: You're being deliberately obtuse. Whoever wins Wimbledon has to wear the caftan. AND YOU LOOK GREAT AND I'M WEARING THE CAFTAN. I'm the LOSER in a CAFTAN and that WAS NOT THE DEAL. And you KNOW IT.

SERENA: But seriously, considering that it's a caftan, you actually look really pretty cute. I mean it. I like that caftan.

VENUS: Then why aren't you WEARING IT?

SERENA: Oh, look, there's Andy Roddick! Gotta go! 

VENUS: I am going to kill her when we get home.


Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 09:33 AM in Venus and/or Serena Williams, Well Played
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June 19, 2009

The Williams Fugsters

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[Photo: WENN.com]

VENUS: Um, Serena?

SERENA: Um, Venus?

VENUS: So... you have your own fashion line, right?

SERENA: Yep.

VENUS: And therefore it's fair to say people want you to design clothes that will be sold for money?

SERENA: Hells yeah.

VENUS: And therefore it's ALSO fair to say that people must think you are stylish?

SERENA: Uh-huh.

VENUS: And yet you are wearing those pants?

SERENA: Damn skippy.

VENUS: ... Did you think that one through?

SERENA: Chill, sis -- you have a degree in fashion design, and you're wearing a satin dress with a built-in tuxedo bib.

VENUS: But I still look sort of fabulous, as opposed to you in your gold lame genie pants with a crotch so low it could hide the Wimbledon men's trophy in it if you wanted to smuggle it out.

SERENA: Oh, REALLY. Well. Tell you what -- let's have a wager. If I win the tournament by beating you in the final, you have to wear these pants around London for one full day.

VENUS: Since I'm the one who has won Wimbledon FIVE TIMES, including the last two and in fact beating YOU in 2008 to take it home, I will take that bet. And if I win again, you have grant me three wishes AND burn the pants.

SERENA: Shut up, fool. I'm in.

VENUS: It's ON.
Permalink | Posted By Heather at 10:21 AM in Venus and/or Serena Williams
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August 24, 2007

Fugus Williams

I'm sure Venus Williams is very comfortable here.


[Photo: Splash News]

But I'm equally sure that the folks at Steve & Barry's -- who can't be too happy at how hideous both Sarah Jessica Parker's and Amanda Bynes' celebrity lines turned out -- would have preferred that she show up to announce their collaboration in something besides what she wears, say, around the chalet after she's peeled off her ski outerwear and is shimmying up to the fireplace for some aprés-ski cocktails. Unless that's the theme of her line, in which case, it won't work without a complimentary wee bottle of Chambourd with purchase. Or upon entrance. Yeah, that might be more effective.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 12:48 PM in Venus and/or Serena Williams
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November 3, 2004

Fug, Set, and Match

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Serena Williams turned up in this at the premiere of After The Sunset:

Honey, after the sunset, your nipples are still going to be completely visible through a sheer dress. Sorry. Oh, and you left your headlights on "bright."

Really, why bother to wear a top at all? Just go for it. Let Lil' Kim be your guide, if that's where you're headed with this. Don't half-ass it if you're intent on whole-racking it.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 01:34 PM in Venus and/or Serena Williams
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