VMAs Archives

September 17, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Ashley Greene

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Twilight

I'm not sure anyone in recent memory has enjoyed her rise to fame more than Ashley Greene. She hitched her wagon to exactly the right star: No one had ever heard of her before last November, and now she turns up EVERYWHERE. All over the world. She is the new Tara Reid, in the sense that she'd go to the opening of an eye if there was a swatch of red carpet within a two-mile radius. Good for her, I guess, but I wish she was doing more with it than this:

This is so half-hearted. I feel like, either go with a minidress, or go with a prom dress, but don't wear a tiny skirt with a top that looks like you cut off the business end of the wedding dress and then dyed the bodice black. Isn't her Twilight character supposed to be the clothes-conscious one?

September 16, 2009

Pokfug Face

I wish I'd watched the entire VMA telecast, because then I'd have seen all of Lady Gaga's outfits and could've knocked them out in one post, as opposed to scattering them around and dragging it out in a way that's sure to please her. I had intended to ignore the ones I didn't notice right away. But I couldn't resist posting this smoking pile of crazy:

[Photo: WENN.com]

That is... that is the Santa Claus you find in your apartment complex's dumpster, reeking of whiskey and urine. That is the property of one very cold chicken. That is what happens when you go to summer camp and the girls in your cabin hate you, so they cover your face in honey and cut up your pillows.

And that is the soulmate of this person:

Continue reading Pokfug Face.

September 16, 2009

VMA Fug or Fab Carpet: Solange

You know, believe it or not, I think the haircut is the least of Solange's problems.

It has grown on me. I actually think she might pull it off if she knew what the hell to do with her makeup -- her lips look like she just snacked on a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

And then there's the dress. For New York mag, I wrote that she's dressed as a present someone brought to a funeral, and I do still believe that. I mean, I'm pretty sure the thing on her right shoulder is something Target sells in a rainbow of colors. But the more I stare at her, the more I conclude: She's kind of WORKING it, no? Yeah, there's some reflection coming off her left boob, but this is Solange we're talking about -- she's finally picked something unusual that DOESN'T look like she drew it after she was hanging something in the bathroom and slipped and hit her head on the toilet. I've got to give her props for that.

poll by twiigs.com

September 15, 2009

NYFug.com: VMA Roundup

This went up on NYMag.com on Monday morning, but we completely forgot to alert anyone to it. I blame Drew Barrymore's new dye job, which -- for today, at least -- is apparently my new Spencer when it comes to scapegoating. Although maybe I can blame him for her hair; yes, that makes the universe feel aligned again.

Anyway:

Neither [outfit] was a hit, but this one at least doesn't evoke a horror film about the produce aisles.

About whom did we write that? Click here to marinate in the full slideshow and you will find the answer.

September 15, 2009

VMAs Fug or Fab Carpet: Alicia Keys

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sequins

I'm flummoxed.

I SHOULD think this dress is cute. But somehow it's not working for me on Alicia. Kind of like how I SHOULD like peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, because peanut butter and bacon are magically delicious, but for whatever reason the two just don't go together for me. Am I just out of sorts? Do I need more sleep? Some champagne? A back rub from Intern George? Or is my vague and hard-to-articulate sense of "meh" well-placed? I need your guidance, Fug Nation.

poll by twiigs.com

September 15, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet Scrolldown: Leighton Meester

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At least Leighton Meester keeps it interesting. At first you see the tousled hair and cute minidress and think that's all there is to see, and then... and THEN:

Those shoes are many things -- aggressive, likely to cause unusual blisters, the footwear of choice for cocktail waitresses at King Tut's Falafel Pyramid -- but dull is not one of them. However, I don't particularly think the shoes and the dress work together: The patterns fight, and something about the height of the ankle cones cut off her leg at the worst point and makes you wonder if she's sprouted some cankles. (I am certain she hasn't. Blair Waldorf would never allow it.) Still, on a night where not much of interest happened that didn't involve Lady Gaga scaring the bejeesus out of me and Eminem, I applaud her for giving my fingers ample reason to pound on this keyboard. Otherwise, the bastards would be banging out the URL for eBay and searching on "Louboutin" and that might end badly.

poll by twiigs.com

September 14, 2009

VMA Fug Carpet: Lady Gaga

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just...wow

Gaga Laboratories really outdid itself this time.

Here, she's styled herself into an Aztec dominatrix with a sprained neck who lives in the basement of Radio City Music Hall, jealously haunting the patrons whose heads have a full range of motion.

But you guys, as grating and dull as I find her antics of late, and as unnecessary and disturbing and unappealing I found the VMA performance in which she ended up splattered in fake blood and feigning death-by-hanging or whatever (really sensitive, too, considering the first chunk of the telecast was honoring an artist who died before his time), I almost finally fell in love with Lady Gaga when I saw this photo:

Continue reading VMA Fug Carpet: Lady Gaga.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars

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The Hills is going to be a little weird without Lauren Conrad. Because as boring as she'd gotten on the show -- understandably, since she developed an actual romantic and professional life outside the confines of the show's blurred reality and that would make me Over It also -- she was its heart and soul, and without her there's really nothing to root for except perhaps the onset of a raging case of crabs in Chez Pratt.

Still, MTV is trying, including making sure as many of its stars are visible as possible. Starting with Lauren Bosworth:

I really like this on Lo. It seems to fit -- which is more than I can say for those jeans -- and it skims her figure without skewing its proportions. The makeup is a bit heavy for her, though. I keep thinking of The Joker. In all, though, this is harmlessly cute and replete with the kind of wavy blonde sweetness that Lauren Conrad used to give the show, which probably means Lo is expected to fill the Everygirl role now and is going to have to practice her very best concerned expressions and the art of shedding one single tear, so that MTV will have plenty of ways to smash to commercial off her inner turmoil.

Unfortunately, it will be hard to buy into a new Lauren Conrad when the old one is still around:

Continue reading VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Amanda Bynes

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OH MY GOD, you guys! You're not going to believe this! Amanda Bynes is wearing a tiny mini-dress and a fake tan!

Up is down and down is up! Next you're going to tell me that bacon grows on trees and Brett Favre is retiring for good and Audrina Patridge made eye contact with something! WE'RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS HERE, PEOPLE.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Jennifer Lopez

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Holy Sleeve(s) Batman

"Meow, amigos. I am an intergalatic sex kitten, coming to you from Planet Rrowr to blow your mind. HA HA! I'm kidding! It is I, Jenny from the block! Assuming your live in the tool shed on my estate because otherwise we have no block for miles. Also, get out of my tool shed! That is for the lawn mower and my Marc's embalming kit for his Learning Annex class! LEAVE!

"Where was I? Ah: Me. For that is who I am. Everyone tonight is wearing BORING dresses with BORING tops and BORING patterns. Nobody has vision. Nobody picked a sleeve harness that required three employees, two pulleys, and a helper monkey to put on their bodies! That is COMMITMENT, all you single ladies! If you liked it then you should've put a sleeve on it! Follow me, sad people, and I will show you the way. But first I need to take Marc home. He smells like anti-freeze. Ay, mi enamorados, some days I have to put gardenias up my nose just to get through breakfast with him. In fact, a secret: These are not sleeves at all. They are giant pot-pourri bags! I AM A GENIUS! And now I must pretend to go inside before diving into my limo and going somewhere better. Adios, dull-sleeved peasants!"

VMAs

VMAs Fug Carpet: Ashley Greene

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Pokfug Face

VMA Fug or Fab Carpet: Solange

NYFug.com: VMA Roundup

VMAs Fug or Fab Carpet: Alicia Keys

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VMAs Fug Carpet Scrolldown: Leighton Meester

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VMA Fug Carpet: Lady Gaga

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VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Amanda Bynes

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Jennifer Lopez

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