Well Played Archives

September 2, 2008

Well Played, Diane Kruger

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basic (or unbasic) black

I just got sucked into watching National Treasure the other night, and boy, is everything about that movie laughably terrible, including -- but certainly not limited to -- Diane Kruger's performance. And Nicolas Cage's hair. Seriously, he needs to donate his piece to the Smithsonian or something. Then maybe National Treasure 3 can be about how the underside of his toupe has a map to the bank where he deposited his paychecks for the first two movies.

Anyway, clearly, I am not surfing any raging tide of goodwill toward Diane Kruger, which is how I know I must really like this dress. There is something so deliciously Grace Kelly about it:

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

Generally I'm not a huge fan of the black transparent stuff -- which I'm sure is its technical name -- but this entire outfit catapults me to another time in such a romantic way. I could totally see her playing Princess Grace in an elaborate biopic called Dial M For Monaco, all about Grace's alleged and actual lovers and full of dishy stunt-casting. Ewan McGregor as Bing Crosby! Robert Downey, Jr., as Oleg Cassini (putting that mustache of his to better use -- I don't buy that Sherlock Holmes excuse; the Piped Wonder doesn't NEED a welcome mat under his nose). And good ol' Pacey Witter up there looks pretty dapper in his tux. Since I've heard his new FOX show is a bit terrible, maybe art can imitate life and Josh Jackson can swoop in as Prince Rainier and romance the hairpins out of her.

Great, now I need a yacht and a Mimosa. That is so unfair on the first morning back from a yachtless long weekend.

August 14, 2008

Well Played, Tyra Banks

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ANTM,
polls

It shocks me to say this about anyone with crimped hair, but... I think Tyra Banks looks pretty great here, actually:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

I mean, this is a woman who usually looks like she plucked her gown off a window in Versailles, or as if she is actually an aristocrat Marie Antoinette's court who is about a week away from a sweaty revolutionary giving her the chop for her excesses. She is also prone to coifs that look like an homage to a fruit bowl. And that's just scratching the surface. Tyra Banks is nothing if not a comparative science, and I have to say, this simpler dress with all the bracelets is refreshingly chic and sleek after all that hoo-ha. Sure, the material lays a little lumpy in places, but... seriously, whenever I have second thoughts about whether this dress is worth a pat on the back, I click back on that link to what she wore to the Daytime Emmys and it's an affirmation. Yes, I cherish Tyra for all her overwrought excesses -- hers is in my top five of Wig Closets And Wardrobes I Must Visit Before I Die -- but sometimes it's nice to see a reminder that there's a lovely woman underneath all that hair and slap and pounds of fabric.

poll by twiigs.com

August 8, 2008

Better Played, Katie Holmes

Y'all, I think there's been a breakthrough: Check out what Katie Holmes wore to rehearsal today.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

No pegged jeans in sight. VICTORY IN OUR TIME. Sure, it may be temporary, but I'm having a giddy ask-and-ye-shall-receive moment here; we suggested a maxi dress and we got one (not that I think we had anything to do with it, since I doubt Katie is ever given permission to surf the Internet for anything other than rare, out-of-print L. Ron Hubbard books). I'm so relieved that you're free of your outmoded-pants prison, Katie, that I won't even start a pregnancy rumor, I promise. I'm just going to enjoy the fact that we can be friends again. You can come over and we'll paint our fingernails and talk about boys and watch reruns of Dawson's Cree... um, I mean, Felicity. And maybe make you a wig out of pipe cleaners so that you've got that awesome bob back. See you tonight! Bring cash for pizza.

July 31, 2008

Well Played: Pamela Anderson

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wearing white

I have some conflicting feelings about Pamela Anderson. For one thing, I used to suspect she was really quite savvy. But lately, her shtick is wearing thin. For instance, her new reality show, Girl on the Loose? At 41 years old, is it really that brilliant for her to be marketing herself as a girl on the loose? Isn't it about time for her to be a Grown Woman Whose Maturity Only Makes Her Sexier and More Desirable On the Loose? -- although, admittedly, that's not quite as catchy. Basically, at a certain point, running around without pants starts looking kind of desperate, and every time I see the billboard for this show, in which Pammy is wearing naught but a bodysuit and a hat, I don't think, "Wow, that is an amazing example of how you can grow and mature without losing any of your allure"; I think, "That is so sad." I'm not saying she needs to put it away because - gasp! -- she's over 40. On the contrary, the Sexy Woman of a Certain Age trend is one of my favorites (thank you, Helen Mirren), not least because eventually we'll all be of a certain age and I don't think any of us are planning to shelve our cute jeans for muumuus. I'm saying she needs to keep putting it on the table, just in a new and different way. We all need to slightly reinvent ourselves occasionally, right? Which is why I was pleased to see this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Ding ding ding ding! Seriously sexy but not nearly as obvious as running around in only a large tee shirt. Thank you for listening, Pam. Now, let's talk about you and Tommy Lee...

July 31, 2008

Well Played, Dakota Fanning

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child stars

Dakota Fanning is 14 now, which means that we're probably about six months away from a crack pipe tumbling out of her purse, a photo shoot in which she dresses up like Jessica Rabbit, and an accompanying interview with copious f-bombs and the announcement that she really digs Goldschlager.

Hell, never mind -- by this industry's standards, we're actually probably six months OVERDUE for all that. It's so refreshing to see her looking like a nice young girl.

She's adorable. Seriously, Ali Lohan is only two or three months older than Dakota, yet she looks like she's Lindsay's 32-year old sister. I once saw a photo of that kid at age 13 at a beach party, standing next to her "mother" in full makeup and a bikini so small you could roll it up and hide it in your nostril. When I was that age, I wore t-shirts over my bathing suits if I thought there was even a SLIGHT chance I'd be swimming around boys. It's just... I can't relate.

So three cheers for Dakota Fanning. I don't care if she's an old soul or secretly still playing My Little Pony in her room at night when her parents think she's sleeping. I want to hug her and reassure her that nightclubs aren't even really very fun, that liquor before beer only theoretically keeps you in the clear, and that her skin will thank her for resisting the urge to rage. Hip, hip, hooray.

July 25, 2008

Well Played (sigh), Paris Hilton

I always kind of hate it when Paris Hilton looks good.

[Photo: WENN]

I mean, it's not an outfit that revolutionizes my approach to life, or anything, but she looks good -- or at least, not stupid, like when she wears t-shirts with her face or her name on them. Sigh. It doesn't seem fair, does it? She's pretty much the Prom Queen of gross and tacky famewhores, so by all rights she should be guzzling too much spiked punch and then puking all over her dress and down Kim Kardashian's cleavage right in front of the principal, while Brody Jenner and his bros point and laugh and dump another mickey of rum into a bowl of Hi-C orange. Double sigh. Credit where credit is due, I guess.

Does this mean I'm growing up? I hope not.

July 22, 2008

Well Played, Estelle Getty: Everything

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Golden Girls

Given the number of times we mention The Golden Girls on this site, it should be no surprise what a sucker-punch to the gut we felt when we heard Estelle Getty -- the mighty Sophia Petrillo -- died today. It feels like only two weeks ago that we watched her in Mannequin, telling James Spader that she supported Andrew McCarthy so much, she didn't care if he "put a rubber glove on his head and [ran] naked around the store screaming, 'Hi! I'm a squid!'" ... Oh, wait. That WAS two weeks ago. And it was good.

In the Defamer entry on her sad passing, a commenter posted a link to this video, and we felt its brilliance easily deserved its own page. So get out your giant tri-focals, your wicker purses, and your orthopedic moccasins, and eat a slice of cheesecake in honor of the woman who brought us this.

Picture it: Los Angeles, 2008. Two sad bloggers and their weeping Intern scour Lifetime for reruns, and send good wishes to Estelle's family. Thank you for being a friend.

July 16, 2008

Well Played, Helen Mirren, and Helen Mirren's Entire DNA-Giving Family Tree

We usually don't run photos of people in their bathing suits, but I am going to make an exception here. Because... holy CATS, Helen Mirren.

[Photo: Daily Mail Online]

Never mind that it's deeply unfair that Helen, who is twice my age at least, looks better in a bikini than I have done, currently do, or ever will. Because I can't hate her for it. I can only gape. My girl-crush is now full-fledged love. While we all knew she had a great figure and a timeless rack that she'd whip out during awards season, I don't think any of us were aware just HOW much her bod is -- as the kids these days call it -- bangin'. AND her bathing suit is cute. How do you DO it, Helen? With whose blood are you flavoring your morning tea? How much did Satan pay you for your soul, and may I have his number? Or does he read Craigslist?

Seriously, this makes me feel infinitely better about aging. I might even go do a sit-up.

July 15, 2008

Well Played, Maggie Gyllenhaal

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After all the sturm und drang of Maggie's hidie Tatler cover, it's nice to see her bounce back with this:

All those dudes behind her seem to think so, too. They're all like,

MR. POLKA DOT TIE: THAT'S what I'm talking about!

MR STRIPED TIE: Did you see Secretary? It's a good movie. Amazing...storytelling. I...um, what were were talking about again?

MR. SUNGLASSES LOOKING ACROSS THE STREET: Those men are pigs. I won't even justify their boorish behavior with a second look at that fine, fine woman. I am just going to look across the street and think about...baseball. Yeah, that ought to do it.

MR. LOOKING OVER THE SHOULDER: Hold the phone. Is that Maggie Gyllenhaal? Nicely done.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: Please, enjoy the show.

July 11, 2008

Well Played, Kelly Rowland

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girl groups,
yellow

It's so intriguing to me when a celebrity decides to attempt yellow. I'm one of the few people who truly hated it on Cate Blanchett a few years ago at the Oscars because I thought it was all wrong with her makeup and made her look sickly; I liked the shade Michelle Williams (the actress, not the Child of Destiny) chose when she was nominated because it was a rich hue but not so glaringly bright that her skin turned sallow. It's a tough shade to wear, and I for one am not brave enough to try. I am a coward (appropriately, a condition which would cause a mouthy Old West barkeep, or a cantankerous trash-talking Black Knight whose four limbs I had recently hacked off with my mighty sword, to call me "yellow").

So I love that Kelly went for broke here with the color. Most people run yellow lights, but I think this actually would stop traffic.

[Photo: WENN]

The choice paid off spectacularly: Not only does she look tiny and tall, but it complements her skin tone; plus, the subtleties of her styling allow both her and the dress to shine without competing with, say, a giant necklace, or strong lipstick, or a bolero made out of Sprite cans. Brava, Kelly. It's kind of a big accomplishment that you're wearing radioactive Simpsons yellow and I'm still compelled to look at your face.

Wow, two "Well Played" pieces in a row this morning. I'm in such a kind mood today. It must be because it's not 100 degrees outside. YET.

Well Played

Well Played, Diane Kruger

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Well Played, Tyra Banks

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Better Played, Katie Holmes

Well Played: Pamela Anderson

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Well Played, Dakota Fanning

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Well Played (sigh), Paris Hilton

Well Played, Estelle Getty: Everything

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Well Played, Helen Mirren, and Helen Mirren's Entire DNA-Giving Family Tree

Well Played, Maggie Gyllenhaal

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Well Played, Kelly Rowland

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