Well Played Archives

June 25, 2008

BET Awards Well Played: Queen Latifah

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blue,
ombre

I wish I had a better photo of this dress on Queen Latifah. Heather and I were lucky enough to go to the BET Awards last night (more on that later, but the short version is that it was awesome), and she looked AMAZING in person. Maybe a mini-collage will help get that across:

This color is totally awesome on her and the cut is super flattering. In fairness, I must admit that I just sort of dig her in general, and she usually looks fab, but this time she turned the fab up to FAB (you know, the all important Awards Show Caps Lock Effect).

June 23, 2008

Daytime Emmy Fug Carpet: Well Played, Eva Whatever

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ANTM,
soap stars

Back when she won ANTM, she was Eva Pigford, and she was sporting a hideous blonde haircut courtesy of Tyra's minions. But now, she's Eva Marcille, recent signee to a contract role on The Young and the Restless -- which is incredibly boring these days despite the fact that I just realized this is the third post today on its cast members' outfits -- and guest at the Daytime Emmys. I'm rather relieved to say that Eva The Diva classed it up nicely for the occasion.

I can say from experience that Eva Pigford is not a tall person, and presumably Eva Marcille has not gotten shin extensions; ergo she's done a great job picking a dress that is not only pretty but which lengthens her. And thank GOD, she's kept the hair darker, which suits her better. The accessories are perfectly subtle. In all, this is rather a success -- made sweeter, I'm sure, by the fact the rival she bested in that season's finale, Yaya, seemingly did not attend the Emmys despite having been a contract regular on All My Children for weeks longer. Here's hoping that their two daytime gigs intersect in a deliciously bitchy continuation of their ANTM feud, leading to a Tyra Banks Show episode in which Miss T has to moderate their sniping and ends up flipping her weave on both their sorry asses. In fact, maybe that has been the plan all along. Tyra, you madcap genius you.

June 20, 2008

The Fug of Love/Well Played, Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley

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So, you know that I wasn't thrilled about the crazy-ass thing our old friend Sienna Miller wore to the premiere of The Edge of Love. What I didn't mention at the time was that Ms. Keira Knightley apparently also took a dip in Lake Lackluster herself:

She looks sharp-ish here, but I submit that this is because she's standing next to a woman wearing love beads and a ridiculous hat, and because Keira Knightley is supremely lithe and can therefore suffer the slings and arrows of a white jumpsuit without looking like a marshmallow. They both look sad, maybe because they both realized that one day a fashion magazine will show them this picture and ask them what they were thinking and they're both going to be like, "....Umm."

But cheer up, girls! Happy times are just around the corner! Look and see:

Continue reading The Fug of Love/Well Played, Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley.

June 6, 2008

Well-Played Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow

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Harper's Bazaar

Well, well, well. Would you look at that? For the first time in approximately 12,000 years, I don't hate the Harper's Bazaar cover. I still hate the way they lay out the copy (for some reason, that font and layout makes it seem like there's no SUBSTANCE to the magazine at all, like it's a fake rag you'd see in the background of some fluffy rom-com where Reese Witherspoon is the editor-in-chief of a bridal magazine but -- gasp! -- can't find a man herself ), and the sort of weird boob-sling/armpit-draping is....weird, but she looks like herself. She doesn't appear to have a wasting disease or any extra limbs. She is the color she is supposed to be and not orange like a traffic cone. Her head does not appear to be Photoshopped on. Those are probably her own teeth. She's not wearing chain mail, or hot pants, or knee-socks over her ears. There are no cloying quotes floating around her head, like "Life is so simple now! Thanks to my staff of twelve," or "I know now that I can do anything! Because I have all the advantages and money in the world." She just looks relaxed, and pretty. I'd like to buy some of that.

June 3, 2008

Well Played: Victoria Beckham

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CFDA

Thank god gay marriage is finally legal in the great state of California, because I totally want to marry Posh:

Yes, there are some obstacles to that plan, above and beyond the fact that we have technically never met. Namely, I am a heterosexual. Also, she is already married. And now I'm going to have to worry about convincing the INS that she's not just in this for the green card. However, these are but small obstacles, as I know that we must share our lives. (Also, I feel like she and Becks and I can totally work out something mutually beneficial.) I love her, and the thought of going through life without Victoria Beckham fills me with despair. I love her sassy haircut and her wicked dominatrix sandals. I love her giant, blingy rings. I love her insanely short skirt and ruffle-esque collar. I love that her dress is made of hearts. I even love her crazy tan. I love her. I would be so sad if she were to go away. And so I must clutch her to my bosom, bind her with matrimonial vows, and never let her go. Cavalli can make our gowns, then I can decide mine is too gaudy and have a big hissy and wear Oscar de la Renta, because that's how I roll. Andre Leon Talley will officiate. Will Smith will perform a medley of "Getting Jiggy Wit It," "Just The Two of Us," and, in an surprisingly self-centered move, "Will 2K." Katie Holmes will stand up for my bride, and Victoria and I will have several hushed conversations in which we try and figure out how to prevent Tom from making an embarrassing toast, and then we will just give up and have more champagne. J.Lo will stand up for me, because I feel like J.Lo would make an awesome matron of honor: shit would get DONE, she'd make sure you were wearing the finest mink eyelashes, and you know she'd throw you a very fancy shower. We will register at Bergdorf's, Mystic Tan, and Bed, Bath and Beyond. There will be giant expensive sunglasses and sugarfree gum in the gift bags. It is going to be awesome. Victoria, I beseech thee, make an honest woman of me!

May 29, 2008

Well Played, Jennifer Hudson

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Dear Andre Leon Talley:

[Photo: Splash News]

THIS is how to make Jennifer Hudson wear a metallic. Not some tweaked gold bolero with a popped collar that looks like it was made out of Wonka Golden Tickets.

Kisses,

Heather

P.S. Okay, so maybe her makeup is a little too shiny in combination with the dress, but otherwise, I think she looks great. Much as revenge is a dish best served cold, her cleavage is a meal best served HOT.

P.P.S. Also, the figure she cuts is totally badass. If J.Hud were almost any other young star, she'd have wasted away to a size two by now -- even America Ferrera keeps needlessly shrinking -- so I'm thrilled she's healthy and sexy and wearing clingy clothes.

P.P.P.S. And I love her sassy bob.

P.P.P.P.S. "Sassy Bob" sounds like the name of a really terrible hair salon that has a karaoke bar in the back. Which actually automatically makes it a hilariously amazing hair salon. Can someone please open that?

May 28, 2008

Sex and the Fugly: A Well Played, and a Not So Much

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I secretly -- except not, apparently, since I just said it on my blog -- love Sarah Jessica Parker's dress.

I know it looks a tiny bit like spacesuit material, or that it's been covered in cling film, but she just looks so pretty in it. Everyone is watching; why NOT go big, right? There are photos where she's walking around while playing with the skirt and stretching it out, and dammit, I would do the exact same thing if I were Princess For A Day in that gown. [Incidentally, I would also take Matthew aside and be all, "Listen, Ferris, would it KILL YOU to act like you are proud to be with me?" His left meathook is plopped onto her waist like it's radioactive, and his facial expression is saying to me, "Shoot, there's that girl whose best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend who heard from the guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw me pass out at 31 Flavors last night. She is totally going to bust me for being here instead of being at home dying of some mysterious wasting disease. How much longer do I have to do this?" SNAP TO, BRODERICK. Or else, to put it in WarGames parlance, you are going to be at DEFCON1 when you get home.]

But while she gets to swan around like the bride, it's a tad unfortunate that Kristin Davis is stuck in something that makes her look like Sarah Jessica's eternal handmaiden:

Continue reading Sex and the Fugly: A Well Played, and a Not So Much.

May 22, 2008

Well Played, Julia Ormond

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Cannes,
green

Damn, Julia Ormond is back to looking like a total bombshell.

[Photo: Splash News]

Of course, the last time we shone our fug light on Julia she was sporting a crocheted bathing cap, so -- short of hemming this at the ankle and putting on jeans underneath -- things had nowhere to go BUT up. Hopefully she's given up the dream of land-based synchronized swimming in homemade knitwear once and for all.

May 16, 2008

Fugmantha Jones/Well Played, Cynthia Nixon

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"You know, screw it. So WHAT if I lost the coin toss and had to be the one separating Sarah Jessica and Kim. BIG DEAL if Kim's fingernail is making my back bleed because she is digging into it, thinking it's Sarah Jessica's hand. Who cares? I look fantastic. AGAIN. This is my revenge for how they never let Miranda be as fabulous as the other three. Although, Kristen and Sarah Jessica look nice, too, but WHAT is going on with Kim? It's like she has a satchel sewn to her hip, and the dress is all pulled and strange... I wonder... I mean, I don't want to point fingers, but I DID see Sarah Jessica's assistant trying to bury a hot glue gun in a planter, although Kristin told me Patricia Field was just trying to decide whether it would work as a last-minute headpiece. But she might have been kidding... Oh, whatever, I can't keep up with who hates whom these days. All I know is, if I look like a million bucks one more time, they're all going to hate ME. And I'm going to LOVE IT, because I EARNED THIS, bitches. Take that, breast cancer. You lose, and I am hot, and every man here is bummed I'm not into putting sausage on the grill. RECOGNIZE!"

May 16, 2008

Cannes Fug Carpet: Well Played, Angelina Jolie (OK, and Lucy Liu)

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LUCY: I kind of wish I wasn't standing here.

ANGELINA: Hmm?

LUCY: I mean, you have no right to look that hot. You're having twins!

ANGELINA: Mmm-hmm.

LUCY: And you're wearing a color! You almost never wear color. And it's a GREAT color.

ANGELINA: Mmm.

LUCY: I thought I looked pretty cute, but seriously, no woman in her right mind should ever put herself next to you.

ANGELINA: Mmm.

LUCY: I kind of want to make out with you.

ANGELINA: Mmm!

LUCY: Damn right.

Well Played

BET Awards Well Played: Queen Latifah

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Daytime Emmy Fug Carpet: Well Played, Eva Whatever

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The Fug of Love/Well Played, Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley

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Well-Played Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow

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Well Played: Victoria Beckham

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Well Played, Jennifer Hudson

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Sex and the Fugly: A Well Played, and a Not So Much

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Well Played, Julia Ormond

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Fugmantha Jones/Well Played, Cynthia Nixon

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Cannes Fug Carpet: Well Played, Angelina Jolie (OK, and Lucy Liu)

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