Well Played Archives

July 11, 2008

Well Played, Mischa Barton

The Artist Formerly Known As Marissa Cooper is as hit-or-miss as a game of darts at the end of a beer-sodden Friday Happy Hour. But when she looks good, I often think to myself, "I wonder why she doesn't work more. Somebody should give her another TV job."

[Photo: WENN]

Then, of course, I catch a rerun of The O.C. on SoapNet, which cures me of that temporary insanity. But hey, at least she looks fantastic. Maybe someone could get her a part in, say, Mannequin 3: Plastic Makes Perfect, as one of the highly visible but ultimately silent supporting dummies that DOESN'T ever come to life. Everybody wins!

July 10, 2008

Well Played, Anne Hathaway/NYFug.com

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This week, we wrote our New York column all about Anne Hathaway's post-breakup revenge wardrobe, and how it's a brilliant strategy for throwing her slimy ex-boyfriend's relationship-ending misdeeds in his face as hard as possible.

If we'd had a month -- or even a week -- like that, we'd be on day eight of watching Ocean's Eleven while eating only ice cream and not brushing our hair. Instead, Anne has risen from the ashes looking like the proverbial $21 million bucks her ex needs to post bail.

For an examination of four of her Get Smart event outfits, click through to "Anne Hathaway Wages Her Chic Revenge." But the beauty of this timing is, right at the moment our column went up, we noticed a fresh batch of photos that indicate she's discovered new tools of vengeance.

Exhibit A: Nothing yanks the heartstrings of your ex and then pulls them out and around his throat quite like a little trip to Leg City.

I know, I know. Those might be formal shorts. That part doesn't make me so happy. But I'm willing to overlook it, given the fact that her ex of many years is now in prison for allegedly being a stank-ass liar; she is clearly going through an awkward time, and sometimes a broken heart can blind a girl to thinks like the perils of formal shorts. (I would also turn a blind eye to the potential shorts if she would next allow herself to be photographed eating some baked ziti with meat sauce, or something, because she's just getting skinnier and skinnier, and there is a point at which if she shrinks any more her face won't have any room left for her features.)

In general -- hoping desperately that it's just the camera angle and that she is in fact wearing a miniskirt -- Anne looks sort of relaxed and cool and nonchalant. And LEGGY. We're pretty sure that when this photo makes its way into a tabloid, one of the prison guards (or, if he gets out, an anonymous mailing mysteriously also scented with her perfume) will make sure Raffaello Follieri gets a copy so he can weep for that familiar hike up Gam Boulevard that will never happen again. It's like what every girl hopes will happen after a horrible breakup: looking consistently good every time she knows her ex might get a glimpse, so he can see how well she's doing and how smoothly she's moving on with her life.

Exhibit B fits brilliantly into that last point.

Continue reading Well Played, Anne Hathaway/NYFug.com.

July 1, 2008

Well Played, The Smiths

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dialogue,
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WILL: God DAMN, we are hot.

JADA: Hell yeah, baby.

WILL: We are the wickedest couple in the history of badassitude.

JADA: Not to mention dappertasticness.

WILL: And slickocity.

JADA: Sexification!

WILL: Jiggyificence!

JADA: Brangelina WHO?

WILL: TomKat WHAT?

JADA: Asslete? NICE TRY.

WILL: Davitoria Spiceham? I THINK NOT.

JADA: DAMN RIGHT.

WILL: Get back to me when THEY own July 4.

JADA: They would have to buy it off you for $100 million.

WILL: This town is OURS.

JADA: We are FINE.

WILL: Drink it in, Hollywood, because you are about to go on the 21-Day Smith Cleanse!

JADA: Next up: taking over the Hollywood Bowl with my band!

WILL: ... Okay, let's not talk crazy, now. Maybe let's just keep looking fly.

JADA: Oh yeah? Well, just remember who classes up your plaid ass.

WILL: Brad Pitt wears vests that match his suit.

JADA: And how did THAT go for him?

WILL: Point taken. Game, set, and match to my lady.

JADA: Damn skippy.

July 1, 2008

Well Played-ish, Amanda Seyfried

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green

Why is Amanda Seyfried so cute to me? I don't even know. Maybe it has something to do with how hilarious she is in Mean Girls. She's also very good on Big Love. Maybe I have been seduced by the Mamma Mia preview, during which I had the following response: "This looks TERRIBLE. Is that Meryl Streep? But wait...no, this is so cheesy. Although...no, it's....hang on. I feel so confused. ABBA....Colin Firth....Meryl is singing...wow, does that jumpsuit have bell bottons? What's this strange emotion sweeping over me. HANG ON. It feels like...delight. SHIT. Now I think I have to see this movie." I couldn't help it. I listened to a LOT of ABBA Gold during college. And so I must admit that even though Amanda Seyfried's dress here doesn't quite fit her, as far as I can tell, I think she looks pretty adorable.

[Photo: Splash News]

What? You listen to "Waterloo" a couple of times and see how you feel afterward. I'll tell you how you'll feel: cheery!

June 25, 2008

BET Awards Well Played: Queen Latifah

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I wish I had a better photo of this dress on Queen Latifah. Heather and I were lucky enough to go to the BET Awards last night (more on that later, but the short version is that it was awesome), and she looked AMAZING in person. Maybe a mini-collage will help get that across:

This color is totally awesome on her and the cut is super flattering. In fairness, I must admit that I just sort of dig her in general, and she usually looks fab, but this time she turned the fab up to FAB (you know, the all important Awards Show Caps Lock Effect).

June 23, 2008

Daytime Emmy Fug Carpet: Well Played, Eva Whatever

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ANTM,
soap stars

Back when she won ANTM, she was Eva Pigford, and she was sporting a hideous blonde haircut courtesy of Tyra's minions. But now, she's Eva Marcille, recent signee to a contract role on The Young and the Restless -- which is incredibly boring these days despite the fact that I just realized this is the third post today on its cast members' outfits -- and guest at the Daytime Emmys. I'm rather relieved to say that Eva The Diva classed it up nicely for the occasion.

I can say from experience that Eva Pigford is not a tall person, and presumably Eva Marcille has not gotten shin extensions; ergo she's done a great job picking a dress that is not only pretty but which lengthens her. And thank GOD, she's kept the hair darker, which suits her better. The accessories are perfectly subtle. In all, this is rather a success -- made sweeter, I'm sure, by the fact the rival she bested in that season's finale, Yaya, seemingly did not attend the Emmys despite having been a contract regular on All My Children for weeks longer. Here's hoping that their two daytime gigs intersect in a deliciously bitchy continuation of their ANTM feud, leading to a Tyra Banks Show episode in which Miss T has to moderate their sniping and ends up flipping her weave on both their sorry asses. In fact, maybe that has been the plan all along. Tyra, you madcap genius you.

June 20, 2008

The Fug of Love/Well Played, Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley

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So, you know that I wasn't thrilled about the crazy-ass thing our old friend Sienna Miller wore to the premiere of The Edge of Love. What I didn't mention at the time was that Ms. Keira Knightley apparently also took a dip in Lake Lackluster herself:

She looks sharp-ish here, but I submit that this is because she's standing next to a woman wearing love beads and a ridiculous hat, and because Keira Knightley is supremely lithe and can therefore suffer the slings and arrows of a white jumpsuit without looking like a marshmallow. They both look sad, maybe because they both realized that one day a fashion magazine will show them this picture and ask them what they were thinking and they're both going to be like, "....Umm."

But cheer up, girls! Happy times are just around the corner! Look and see:

Continue reading The Fug of Love/Well Played, Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley.

June 6, 2008

Well-Played Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow

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Harper's Bazaar

Well, well, well. Would you look at that? For the first time in approximately 12,000 years, I don't hate the Harper's Bazaar cover. I still hate the way they lay out the copy (for some reason, that font and layout makes it seem like there's no SUBSTANCE to the magazine at all, like it's a fake rag you'd see in the background of some fluffy rom-com where Reese Witherspoon is the editor-in-chief of a bridal magazine but -- gasp! -- can't find a man herself ), and the sort of weird boob-sling/armpit-draping is....weird, but she looks like herself. She doesn't appear to have a wasting disease or any extra limbs. She is the color she is supposed to be and not orange like a traffic cone. Her head does not appear to be Photoshopped on. Those are probably her own teeth. She's not wearing chain mail, or hot pants, or knee-socks over her ears. There are no cloying quotes floating around her head, like "Life is so simple now! Thanks to my staff of twelve," or "I know now that I can do anything! Because I have all the advantages and money in the world." She just looks relaxed, and pretty. I'd like to buy some of that.

June 3, 2008

Well Played: Victoria Beckham

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CFDA

Thank god gay marriage is finally legal in the great state of California, because I totally want to marry Posh:

Yes, there are some obstacles to that plan, above and beyond the fact that we have technically never met. Namely, I am a heterosexual. Also, she is already married. And now I'm going to have to worry about convincing the INS that she's not just in this for the green card. However, these are but small obstacles, as I know that we must share our lives. (Also, I feel like she and Becks and I can totally work out something mutually beneficial.) I love her, and the thought of going through life without Victoria Beckham fills me with despair. I love her sassy haircut and her wicked dominatrix sandals. I love her giant, blingy rings. I love her insanely short skirt and ruffle-esque collar. I love that her dress is made of hearts. I even love her crazy tan. I love her. I would be so sad if she were to go away. And so I must clutch her to my bosom, bind her with matrimonial vows, and never let her go. Cavalli can make our gowns, then I can decide mine is too gaudy and have a big hissy and wear Oscar de la Renta, because that's how I roll. Andre Leon Talley will officiate. Will Smith will perform a medley of "Getting Jiggy Wit It," "Just The Two of Us," and, in an surprisingly self-centered move, "Will 2K." Katie Holmes will stand up for my bride, and Victoria and I will have several hushed conversations in which we try and figure out how to prevent Tom from making an embarrassing toast, and then we will just give up and have more champagne. J.Lo will stand up for me, because I feel like J.Lo would make an awesome matron of honor: shit would get DONE, she'd make sure you were wearing the finest mink eyelashes, and you know she'd throw you a very fancy shower. We will register at Bergdorf's, Mystic Tan, and Bed, Bath and Beyond. There will be giant expensive sunglasses and sugarfree gum in the gift bags. It is going to be awesome. Victoria, I beseech thee, make an honest woman of me!

May 29, 2008

Well Played, Jennifer Hudson

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Dear Andre Leon Talley:

[Photo: Splash News]

THIS is how to make Jennifer Hudson wear a metallic. Not some tweaked gold bolero with a popped collar that looks like it was made out of Wonka Golden Tickets.

Kisses,

Heather

P.S. Okay, so maybe her makeup is a little too shiny in combination with the dress, but otherwise, I think she looks great. Much as revenge is a dish best served cold, her cleavage is a meal best served HOT.

P.P.S. Also, the figure she cuts is totally badass. If J.Hud were almost any other young star, she'd have wasted away to a size two by now -- even America Ferrera keeps needlessly shrinking -- so I'm thrilled she's healthy and sexy and wearing clingy clothes.

P.P.P.S. And I love her sassy bob.

P.P.P.P.S. "Sassy Bob" sounds like the name of a really terrible hair salon that has a karaoke bar in the back. Which actually automatically makes it a hilariously amazing hair salon. Can someone please open that?

Well Played

Well Played, Mischa Barton

Well Played, Anne Hathaway/NYFug.com

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Well Played, The Smiths

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Well Played-ish, Amanda Seyfried

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BET Awards Well Played: Queen Latifah

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Daytime Emmy Fug Carpet: Well Played, Eva Whatever

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The Fug of Love/Well Played, Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley

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Well-Played Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow

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Well Played: Victoria Beckham

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Well Played, Jennifer Hudson

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