After looking at piles of crazy, sometimes you just want to cleanse your aesthetic palate with something fabulous:
Thanks, Iman. I feel better now.
Thanks, Iman. I feel better now.
Well Played
October 8, 2009
Well Played, Iman
October 6, 2009
Well Played, Katy Perry
KATY PERRY: Hey there, Mr. Kaiser, sir.
KARL: Greetings, performer. What a fetching dress you're wearing. GLOW.
KATY: It's one of yours.
KARL: By day you're charming. By night, a gleaming banana. SPLIT.
KATY: Oh, ha, I see what you did there! Funny!
KARL: No. Humor is the crutch of the plain, pet. BE GORGEOUS.
KATY: I don't think...
KARL: HARK. What's that I spy? Hint: Not a cat.
KATY: I... can't imagine.
KARL: You clutch my face. My head is a farm of inspiration, and it's the harvest. REAP.
KATY: Oh, great, because I have so many questions...
KARL: You mistake me. To listen is to find God in a pumpkin.
KATY: Is it... okay, how about this?
Continue reading Well Played, Katy Perry.
September 29, 2009
Well Played, Janet Jackson
On the one hand, this is very Krystle Carrington:
On the other, it's both sexy and mature on her -- I mean, as much as Janet Jackson is perpetually Miss Jackson If You're Nasty in my head, she is 43, and so it's nice that she's not running around trying to act like she's Lauren Conrad or something. The matching nail polish might be a bit much, but frankly, I'm just glad Janet looks both happy and as though she has not forsaken eating. Her entire tabloid experience is either stories about a) how she's gained a ton of weight, or b) how she's lost a bunch of weight for the last time, for real, totally, we mean it. So I'm glad she's bought some real estate someplace in between: healthy, hot, and still not afraid to flash a little cleavage. You go, Janet. And if somebody sees this photo and decides to pitch Dynasty II and cast her as the trophy wife in a clan of Kleenex barons or something, well, I can try to learn to love again. It won't be like the first time, but what is?
On the other, it's both sexy and mature on her -- I mean, as much as Janet Jackson is perpetually Miss Jackson If You're Nasty in my head, she is 43, and so it's nice that she's not running around trying to act like she's Lauren Conrad or something. The matching nail polish might be a bit much, but frankly, I'm just glad Janet looks both happy and as though she has not forsaken eating. Her entire tabloid experience is either stories about a) how she's gained a ton of weight, or b) how she's lost a bunch of weight for the last time, for real, totally, we mean it. So I'm glad she's bought some real estate someplace in between: healthy, hot, and still not afraid to flash a little cleavage. You go, Janet. And if somebody sees this photo and decides to pitch Dynasty II and cast her as the trophy wife in a clan of Kleenex barons or something, well, I can try to learn to love again. It won't be like the first time, but what is?
September 25, 2009
Well Played, Anne Hathaway
Welcome back, Hathaway. Not that you had gone anywhere in particular; I just haven't seen you in a while, so I was pleased to turn on my computer today and be greeted with this:
I like it! It's interesting but not insane, it's cheerful, and it's flattering. You are pulling off tangerine with aplomb. It actually has me really craving an orange Popsicle, although maybe that's because it's so hot outside in Los Angeles lately that my freezer asked me to buy it some deodorant at the store. Still, I approve, and the only thing that would make me like it better would be if Anne walked through this picture and handed me some sherbet. I realize that's not likely to happen, but... come on, world. We're in the Aughts. We thought we'd have flying cars by now. Surely SOMEONE is working on a laptop sherbet generator.
I like it! It's interesting but not insane, it's cheerful, and it's flattering. You are pulling off tangerine with aplomb. It actually has me really craving an orange Popsicle, although maybe that's because it's so hot outside in Los Angeles lately that my freezer asked me to buy it some deodorant at the store. Still, I approve, and the only thing that would make me like it better would be if Anne walked through this picture and handed me some sherbet. I realize that's not likely to happen, but... come on, world. We're in the Aughts. We thought we'd have flying cars by now. Surely SOMEONE is working on a laptop sherbet generator.
September 24, 2009
Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Rose Byrne
Well, well, well. This is fortuitous. Just after I finished pulling the last of the photos for our Emmy coverage, including this one, I read the following in Harper's Bazaar, from Ms Rose Byrne:
Second: MERCILESS seems dramatic. I prefer, "concerned."
Third: I WAS concerned. You always looked so glum! So I am happy to hear it's just nerves. Seriously, someone who has your head of hair should never feel depressed.
Fourth:
Kid, that dress is aces. And you look so happy and relaxed. Am I allowed to consider this a breakthrough? Fabulous!
Now, if you can just get Timothy Olyphant to spend all of the next season of Damages shirtless, we'll really be in business.
"...one pair of snarky bloggers have been merciless. 'They think I'm depressed because I look serious in photos. It's usually because I'm just nervous,' Byrne explains."First of all: Hi, Rose! Love you on Damages.
Second: MERCILESS seems dramatic. I prefer, "concerned."
Third: I WAS concerned. You always looked so glum! So I am happy to hear it's just nerves. Seriously, someone who has your head of hair should never feel depressed.
Fourth:
Kid, that dress is aces. And you look so happy and relaxed. Am I allowed to consider this a breakthrough? Fabulous!
Now, if you can just get Timothy Olyphant to spend all of the next season of Damages shirtless, we'll really be in business.
September 23, 2009
Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Anna Torv
So, I'm not watching Fringe even though I know I would like it, plus it has Pacey. I know. I know. I should be supporting Pacey. But here's the thing: 8pm on Thursday is like IMPOSSIBLE right now. I am watching like SIX THINGS on in that time slot. I only have two eyes, and one dual-tuner TiVo. I'm sorry, Pacey. Don't hate.
That being said, I kind of love Anna Torv, both because she pulled off A Secret Marriage -- which I always appreciate, from a gossip standpoint -- and because....listen. I love this. You may disagree -- as I always say, it'd be so boring if we all agreed -- but I looove it:
It's shiny, and I, like a magpie, am always pleased by sequins. Plus, the color is great on her, and I love the fact that it's all sexy, cleavage-wise, but the rest of it is demure. I just dig it. Even if it wouldn't be inappropriate on a Barbie. That ain't always a bad thing.
That being said, I kind of love Anna Torv, both because she pulled off A Secret Marriage -- which I always appreciate, from a gossip standpoint -- and because....listen. I love this. You may disagree -- as I always say, it'd be so boring if we all agreed -- but I looove it:
It's shiny, and I, like a magpie, am always pleased by sequins. Plus, the color is great on her, and I love the fact that it's all sexy, cleavage-wise, but the rest of it is demure. I just dig it. Even if it wouldn't be inappropriate on a Barbie. That ain't always a bad thing.
September 23, 2009
Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Sigourney Weaver
In case you were wondering, I want to be Sigourney Weaver when I'm 60 years old.
Hell, I want to be Sigourney Weaver RIGHT NOW.
Hell, I want to be Sigourney Weaver RIGHT NOW.
September 18, 2009
Well Played, Salma Hayek
Oh, Salma.
You are glorious. I love how you used accessories to jazz up a very straightforward little shift, and I would like very much to find out that you and I share a shoe size and that you are willing to loan me, a total stranger, those silver pumps. I promise I will only wear them while vacuuming.
That's really all I have to say, but I guess I can stay and chat for a while. How are you? Are you coming back to 30 Rock any time soon? How was working with Alec Baldwin? Because I find him inescapably, irresistibly hilarious, and yet I suspect his personality could be somewhat tough to take, given that he flew into a rage and called his kid an ungrateful pig that one time. Maybe the love of a good woman will cure him. Can you do something about that? I know you're married, and all, but maybe you have a friend? No? Well, it'd be nice to see you on the show again. So get on that, at least, please. Thanks.
You are glorious. I love how you used accessories to jazz up a very straightforward little shift, and I would like very much to find out that you and I share a shoe size and that you are willing to loan me, a total stranger, those silver pumps. I promise I will only wear them while vacuuming.
That's really all I have to say, but I guess I can stay and chat for a while. How are you? Are you coming back to 30 Rock any time soon? How was working with Alec Baldwin? Because I find him inescapably, irresistibly hilarious, and yet I suspect his personality could be somewhat tough to take, given that he flew into a rage and called his kid an ungrateful pig that one time. Maybe the love of a good woman will cure him. Can you do something about that? I know you're married, and all, but maybe you have a friend? No? Well, it'd be nice to see you on the show again. So get on that, at least, please. Thanks.
September 15, 2009
Well Played, Diane Kruger
Lordy, Diane Kruger is busy. She just got off the Inglourious Basterds carousel (and WHAT is with my pathological inability to hit the 'D' key
correctly whenever I type that movie's name? I had to fix it TWICE) and now she's in Venice promoting something called Mr. Nobody. Thank God she probably has people sending her free clothes by the trunkload, because between acting and promoting things and then getting freaky with her maybe-fiance, I don't know when she'd ever have time to go shopping.
I love this. I kind of want to try it on, except I know how it would go: I would get starry-eyed and excited and then put it on and realize that there's no way in hell I could pull it off without a bra, and then I'd yell at my boobs for a bit, and then apologize to them and take them out to a nice lunch. You know, as one does. But it's all adorable on her and it reminds me that I need to get reincarnated next time as a person with an unlimited wardrobe budget and legs for days. Must put that on my to-do list.
Also... I don't usually like bringing this up, but because I know we'll get a shitload of e-mails about it, because that happens any time we show a photo of a woman who DARES to have any kind of natural flesh folds at all around her armpits, I am compelled to say: THOSE MOTHERF'ERS HAPPEN. To EVERYONE. Or at least everyone who has flesh. FLESH IS NOT A FLAW. Thank you. The end.
I love this. I kind of want to try it on, except I know how it would go: I would get starry-eyed and excited and then put it on and realize that there's no way in hell I could pull it off without a bra, and then I'd yell at my boobs for a bit, and then apologize to them and take them out to a nice lunch. You know, as one does. But it's all adorable on her and it reminds me that I need to get reincarnated next time as a person with an unlimited wardrobe budget and legs for days. Must put that on my to-do list.
Also... I don't usually like bringing this up, but because I know we'll get a shitload of e-mails about it, because that happens any time we show a photo of a woman who DARES to have any kind of natural flesh folds at all around her armpits, I am compelled to say: THOSE MOTHERF'ERS HAPPEN. To EVERYONE. Or at least everyone who has flesh. FLESH IS NOT A FLAW. Thank you. The end.
September 1, 2009
Well Played, Rumer Willis
By George, I think she's got it.
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
That might be the best I've seen Rumer Willis look. It's probably no coincidence that this is also the most like Demi I've ever seen her look, but regardless: The kid has been through some REALLY rough phrases. Remember this? That mammarial crime made my soul yawp. And the experiment with red hair had really mixed results. There's so much more where those came from -- an entire Fug Madness nomination's worth. I mean, essentially, Rumer is only famous for a) being Demi's daughter; b) having Demi tell her at the Golden Globes, DURING the telecast, to stand up straight; and c) for wearing strapless dresses that constantly sagged south, limply, on her frame. So I'm relieved for her that she looks cute, clean, and well-made-up for this Letterman appearance. Maybe a role in ABC's rumored St. Elmo's Fire TV series is not far behind.
... Although I hope it is, because that remake sounds like BLASPHEMY. I mean, one of the producers said they imagine it having a similar tone to Friends. ST. ELMO'S FIRE IS NOT FRIENDS. Did Joey play the saxophone, rock a mullet, and deflower his cardigan-wearing best friend? Did Chandler stalk a really wooden doctor of dubious appeal? Did Monica open all the windows in her empty apartment and sit there crying in the cold breeze while Rob Lowe banged on the door? NO. And I definitely don't recall Ally Sheedy doing this:
Kinda would've ruined the emotional climax of the movie if Ally stuck her head up the business end of a turkey before pulling a Kelly Taylor (in fact, beating Kelly Taylor to the punch by about ten years) and choosing herself.
I'm sure Rumer Willis would be THRILLED that a post in which I finally compliment her has devolved into an excuse to post that photo of Monica shimmying for Chandler like a stripper with a Thanksgiving fetish. But, hey, kid, take your compliments however they come.
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
That might be the best I've seen Rumer Willis look. It's probably no coincidence that this is also the most like Demi I've ever seen her look, but regardless: The kid has been through some REALLY rough phrases. Remember this? That mammarial crime made my soul yawp. And the experiment with red hair had really mixed results. There's so much more where those came from -- an entire Fug Madness nomination's worth. I mean, essentially, Rumer is only famous for a) being Demi's daughter; b) having Demi tell her at the Golden Globes, DURING the telecast, to stand up straight; and c) for wearing strapless dresses that constantly sagged south, limply, on her frame. So I'm relieved for her that she looks cute, clean, and well-made-up for this Letterman appearance. Maybe a role in ABC's rumored St. Elmo's Fire TV series is not far behind.
... Although I hope it is, because that remake sounds like BLASPHEMY. I mean, one of the producers said they imagine it having a similar tone to Friends. ST. ELMO'S FIRE IS NOT FRIENDS. Did Joey play the saxophone, rock a mullet, and deflower his cardigan-wearing best friend? Did Chandler stalk a really wooden doctor of dubious appeal? Did Monica open all the windows in her empty apartment and sit there crying in the cold breeze while Rob Lowe banged on the door? NO. And I definitely don't recall Ally Sheedy doing this:
Kinda would've ruined the emotional climax of the movie if Ally stuck her head up the business end of a turkey before pulling a Kelly Taylor (in fact, beating Kelly Taylor to the punch by about ten years) and choosing herself.
I'm sure Rumer Willis would be THRILLED that a post in which I finally compliment her has devolved into an excuse to post that photo of Monica shimmying for Chandler like a stripper with a Thanksgiving fetish. But, hey, kid, take your compliments however they come.
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