Well Played

October 19, 2009

Well Played, Helen Mirren

Hello, Helen Mirren.

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You're awesome.

That's all.

Love,

Jessica

Obviously, if you're doing something spiffy with the Museum of Arts and Design, you're going to be tempted to wear something very unusual -- something artsy, perhaps, and full of design. I just can't decide what to make of Rose's effort here:

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My brain keeps whipsawing between the good and the odd. Tiny waist! Clunky shoes. Interesting neck! Terrible hair. And the skirt gives me pause: On one hand, it makes her look like a martini glass, all boring stem and then an explosion of fun up top. But on the other, what the hell DO you wear with that top? It's like when you try something on at the store and you love it but you don't have a thing that goes with it in your wardrobe, and so you think, "Well, I'll buy the top first and then I'll FIND SOMETHING to wear it with," and then you never do, and suddenly you've never worn it and you really want to and so you just throw any old thing with it and hope for the best.

Now, possibly, that's just sewn to LOOK like it's separates, but I just wonder if it's a waste of an architecturally interesting upper half not to make it a full ball gown, or have it flow into a tight pencil-cut dress. I am gripped with indecision on this fine Friday, and I don't like to end my week under such terrible stress. Indecision is for Wednesdays, people. Because then you get over it and you cake walk through the rest of the week. So help me out here, in sort of a hybrid Fug or Fab and Unfug piece -- talk up its relative merits and demerits in the comments, and let us all know what you'd do if you got to play stylist. Stay on topic, stay friendly, stay on target, stay with me, stay for a while, stay sweet and see you next summer, etc.

October 15, 2009

Well Played, Cindy Crawford

You know, people are always like, "Cindy Crawford, she's aging so well, she looks so great, she's so beautiful, BLAH BLAH BLAH."


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And I'm like, "OH YEAH? You think so? Because...you totally have a point."

October 12, 2009

Well Played, Emmy Rossum

It certainly is interesting that Emmy Rossum is suddenly everywhere, in the wake of the Public Divorce from her Secret Husband. I'd hypothesize that she's looking for Secret Husband Number Two, but she's dating Adam Duritz and neither one of them is being secretive about it, perhaps because that relationship has gotten them more press than either of them has had in years. Don't you feel like Ex-Mr-Rossum is sitting at home reading People, and being like, "REALLY? THAT GUY? FROM COUNTING CROWS? Huh." Which is part of the reason I would not want to be a celebrity. In addition to bitches making fun of my awesome outfits, I'd have to see my ex-boyfriends splashed on the front of US Weekly, all "HE FINALLY SETTLES DOWN," while I'm just trying to buy a Slurpee. But as much as I have enjoyed cracking on La Rossum in the past, I must admit that I think this is rather pretty:

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I like the color, the ruffle is sort of visually intriguing, it fits her nicely, and the styling is refreshingly understated. She neither looks like a doll, nor as though she just stumbled off the pole. Points to Rossum. THIS time. Enjoy it while it last, kid.
October 8, 2009

Well Played, Iman

After looking at piles of crazy, sometimes you just want to cleanse your aesthetic palate with something fabulous:

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Thanks, Iman. I feel better now.

October 6, 2009

Well Played, Katy Perry

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KATY PERRY: Hey there, Mr. Kaiser, sir.

KARL: Greetings, performer. What a fetching dress you're wearing. GLOW.

KATY:  It's one of yours.

KARL: By day you're charming. By night, a gleaming banana. SPLIT.

KATY: Oh, ha, I see what you did there! Funny!

KARL: No. Humor is the crutch of the plain, pet. BE GORGEOUS.

KATY: I don't think...

KARL: HARK. What's that I spy? Hint: Not a cat.

KATY: I... can't imagine.

KARL: You clutch my face. My head is a farm of inspiration, and it's the harvest. REAP.

KATY: Oh, great, because I have so many questions...

KARL: You mistake me. To listen is to find God in a pumpkin.

KATY: Is it... okay, how about this?
September 29, 2009

Well Played, Janet Jackson

On the one hand, this is very Krystle Carrington:

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On the other, it's both sexy and mature on her -- I mean, as much as Janet Jackson is perpetually Miss Jackson If You're Nasty in my head, she is 43, and so it's nice that she's not running around trying to act like she's Lauren Conrad or something. The matching nail polish might be a bit much, but frankly, I'm just glad Janet looks both happy and as though she has not forsaken eating. Her entire tabloid experience is either stories about a) how she's gained a ton of weight, or b) how she's lost a bunch of weight for the last time, for real, totally, we mean it. So I'm glad she's bought some real estate someplace in between: healthy, hot, and still not afraid to flash a little cleavage. You go, Janet. And if somebody sees this photo and decides to pitch Dynasty II and cast her as the trophy wife in a clan of Kleenex barons or something, well, I can try to learn to love again. It won't be like the first time, but what is?
September 25, 2009

Well Played, Anne Hathaway

Welcome back, Hathaway. Not that you had gone anywhere in particular; I just haven't seen you in a while, so I was pleased to turn on my computer today and be greeted with this:

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I like it! It's interesting but not insane, it's cheerful, and it's flattering. You are pulling off tangerine with aplomb. It actually has me really craving an orange Popsicle, although maybe that's because it's so hot outside in Los Angeles lately that my freezer asked me to buy it some deodorant at the store. Still, I approve, and the only thing that would make me like it better would be if Anne walked through this picture and handed me some sherbet. I realize that's not likely to happen, but... come on, world. We're in the Aughts. We thought we'd have flying cars by now. Surely SOMEONE is working on a laptop sherbet generator.
Well, well, well. This is fortuitous. Just after I finished pulling the last of the photos for our Emmy coverage, including this one, I read the following in Harper's Bazaar, from Ms Rose Byrne:

"...one pair of snarky bloggers have been merciless. 'They think I'm depressed because I look serious in photos. It's usually because I'm just nervous,' Byrne explains."

First of all: Hi, Rose! Love you on Damages.

Second: MERCILESS seems dramatic. I prefer, "concerned."

Third: I WAS concerned. You always looked so glum! So I am happy to hear it's just nerves. Seriously, someone who has your head of hair should never feel depressed.

Fourth:

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Kid, that dress is aces. And you look so happy and relaxed. Am I allowed to consider this a breakthrough? Fabulous!

Now, if you can just get Timothy Olyphant to spend all of the next season of Damages shirtless, we'll really be in business.
So, I'm not watching Fringe even though I know I would like it, plus it has Pacey. I know. I know. I should be supporting Pacey. But here's the thing: 8pm on Thursday is like IMPOSSIBLE right now. I am watching like SIX THINGS on in that time slot. I only have two eyes, and one dual-tuner TiVo. I'm sorry, Pacey. Don't hate.

That being said, I kind of love Anna Torv, both because she pulled off A Secret Marriage -- which I always appreciate, from a gossip standpoint -- and because....listen. I love this. You may disagree -- as I always say, it'd be so boring if we all agreed -- but I looove it:

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It's shiny, and I, like a magpie, am always pleased by sequins. Plus, the color is great on her, and I love the fact that it's all sexy, cleavage-wise, but the rest of it is demure. I just dig it. Even if it wouldn't be inappropriate on a Barbie. That ain't always a bad thing.

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