Well Played Archives

June 18, 2009

Fug on For One More Day, Yet Actually Well Played, Carnie Wilson

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So, Carnie Wilson here just had a baby. Like, JUST had a baby. Like on Monday. THIS Monday. Which, presumably, explains why she is out and about in a full-on, leopard print muumuu. To which I say: ROCK ON, LADY.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I am not joking. If you can't walk around town in a leopard print muumuu three days after giving birth, WHEN CAN YOU? I think getting what is essentially a FORMAL MUUMUU for the few weeks post-childbirth is honestly totally awesome. Because it's comfortable AND it's sassy AND it's TOTALLY CRAZY in a way that is both hilarious and completely acceptable. And if some asshole is all like, "nice MUUMUU," you can be like, "I just had a baby. What have YOU done lately?" and then they'll be all, "uh....congratulations." And then you and your awesome crazy muumuu can sweep off victoriously. So a hearty congratulations to Carnie Wilson and family on their new addition and their clearly robust senses of humor. May I suggest a Hawaiian print for your next outing?

June 4, 2009

Better Played, Spencer Grammer

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plaid,
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There's something awfully refreshing about an actress recycling stuff from her wardrobe, like any regular girl would -- clearly, Spencer Grammer loves this blazer, and those are her favorite black pumps because maybe they're the only ones she has that don't give her blisters, or maybe she didn't get a pedicure and everything else in her closet has an open toe, and so she took both items out on the town again two days after wearing them at an ABC Family event:

And on the whole, I think I prefer this outfit to the too-tight, semi-unflattering shorts. Don't get me wrong: Girlfriend still probably needs a stylist. This is not Singles, and she is not Bridget Fonda, and so it doesn't matter how many hats she wears -- Matt Dillon still is not going to show up and say "gesundheit" to her in an elevator. But if you mentally remove the hat, she goes back to being a cute girl with a dress she probably got at Urban Outfitters, but which isn't warm enough or doesn't cover her bra straps entirely and so she needs to cover her shoulders with a blazer. We've probably all been that girl in some form or another, except for a) the guys reading this, or b) the people who don't shop specifically at Urban Outfitters because we don't all want to spend $68 on some random plaid thing we probably could've picked up at The Gap for $29.99. In other words: Spencer seems refreshingly normal for a girl whose dad probably could buy her the entire contents of Saks, but maybe for her birthday he should give her a personal shopper.

So in all, on her report card I'd give her good marks for improving upon her original deployment of these pieces, but I would note that Spencer is a bright girl who still needs to apply herself a bit harder.

poll by twiigs.com

June 3, 2009

Well Played, Amanda Seyfried

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I just love this.

That's all. Please go about your business. I just had to tell someone.

June 3, 2009

Belatedly Well Played, Nicole Kidman

This post is about a month overdue, and I'm not sure why we never got around to it before, but it's never really too late to sing hymns of joy to the heavens, is it? Some team of angels up there somewhere is having a bad day and is going to be all, "You know what, thanks, Fug Girls, because we were out of Philadelphia Cream Cheese and we spilled Diet Coke on our robes, and the harp broke a string, and now God's all mad because Spencer Pratt won't shut his lousy piehole for five minutes -- so, the tardiness of your praise, resulting from your inattention to detail in the last month, ended up turning this craptacular day into a fairly decent one, even if your crooned praises make our ears want to bleed a little. Here, have a Divine Twinkie, on us."

So here we go: Thanks to some new photos from a movie set, we can finally scream HALLELUJAH.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Nicole Kidman has gone back to having a hair color. And it's a RED color.Okay, so she might still be Botoxed to the nines, but she's not washed out nor bleached to within an inch of her scalp's life, nor do I fear I need to confine her to her bedchamber and feed her chicken soup. She looks so much better! Ladies and gentlemen, IT'S ALIVE!

poll by twiigs.com

June 2, 2009

Partly Well Played, Malin Akerman

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great shoes,
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Love the hair, makeup, and gams, Malin, but the dress itself is pretty blah:

[Photo: Splash News]

In theory I don't object to the slouchy top and mini, but this one is so languidly draped as to look lazy and tired and kind of bored of being itself. All that bunching in the front seems unsure of where it's supposed to hang, yet too disinterested to figure out an alternative. It's like a giant satin jowl.

Which is what makes her shoe choice that much more brilliant. Because when you have a dress that refuses to wake up from its hanger nap and sparkle, it never hurts to whip out some serious hooves:

Continue reading Partly Well Played, Malin Akerman.

May 21, 2009

Well Played, Paulina Porizkova

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blue

I will have been doing this job for five years in July (wow) and it's given me many helpful and obscure skills. For one thing, I can identify even extremely low level celebrities via very small portions of their face. Most of the time. Occasionally, this leads me to lean over to Heather and hiss, "OMG IT'S GYWNETH PALTROW," when it's actually a dude, but usually I am correct. I am able to justify watching shows like The Bachelorette by sniffing, "It's for work." (It is not.) But most of all, I am able to psychically divine the subconscious messages each celebrity is expressing via his or her clothing choices.

Here, Paulina Porizkova is saying, "I'm 44 years old, and I look AWESOME in what is essentially one of the more subdued costumes from Xanadu on Ice. That's right, this dress is SHINY and I am BITCHIN IN IT. SUCK ON THAT, TYRA."

May 19, 2009

Well Played, Rachel Weisz

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Remember this?

I see it every time I close my eyes. And then I scream anew. Thank God Rachel Weisz realized she needed to do something to wipe this image from our brains and pulled out all the stops at Cannes. Behold:

SHE'S LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON. If the woman in the first photo was about to collapse of a terrible mysterious olde-timey condition, the woman in the second photo looks more like the gorgeous femme fatale who's recently arrived in town and who will shortly leave it, having seduced nearly all the men and more of women than you might suspect, managing to relieve them all of large portions of their personal fortunes along the way. And no one will even really mind that much. I mean, look at her. Nice comeback, lady. I suspect, after all, that even she reacted to photos of her Met Gala gown as I did, like this:

Continue reading Well Played, Rachel Weisz.

May 18, 2009

Cannes Well-Played Carpet: Abbie Cornish

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Given that Abbie Cornish historically has looked so severe and dreary and generally unremarkable, this is totally refreshing:

She's smiling! She looks happy and has well-applied makeup! Her dress is romantic and floaty and doesn't -- per her usual -- make me want to ask if she's auditioning for a role as a very severe German nanny in some horror flick called The Paddle Will Smack! Maybe now that all the tabloids have decided Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are one deep knee bend away from getting married, Abbie finally feels safe chilling out and relaxing and assuming nobody is going to throw tomatoes at her and call her a homewrecker for hooking up with Reese's ex. Which is good. It's long past time to exhale on that one, Abbie. Whether you should now start tensing up about the fact that you and Reese are both dating dudes who have rampant gay rumors swirling around them, and maybe call her and commisserate and arrange to go for donuts sometime... well, I leave that to you. I don't know your life. But I do know you look pretty.

May 13, 2009

Cannes Well-Played Carpet: SWINTON

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This is quite a day. First, Bai Ling manages to make me afraid we've lost another site mascot (come back, Peldon sisters!), and now I can't help kind of digging on our girl SWINTON here at the Cannes Film Festival's premiere of Up:

The reason I pulled this particular photo is to illustrate why, at first, I thought this might be bell bottoms -- and I was getting ready to fire up some comparison to an outfit I could SWEAR Barbara Harris wore in the original Freaky Friday movie, and perhaps a theory about whether Jodie Foster had cooked up some of the old magic to switch bodies with SWINTON and that maybe this meant we were going to see "Jodie Foster" skipping around Los Angeles in shapeless beige tunics and David Bowie hair and makeup.

But, no. It's not bell bottoms. It's a skirt. And the burgundy is a great color on her -- so much better than the way she usually looks washed-out with the blonde hair and restrained makeup. Even with the faintly odd hairdo, I don't know, I can't help thinking SWINTON here looks like a tall drink of water. Or indeed, a tall glass of cabernet. Am I crazy?

poll by twiigs.com

May 12, 2009

Well Played, Jessica Biel

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I was looking at this picture this morning and trying to remember when it was that I decided I didn't like Jessica Biel:

Because she never really did anything all that egregious and yet I just don't care for her and I couldn't pinpoint why. I think it all started when she made a bit of a fuss about distancing herself from 7th Heaven. Not that I liked 7th Heaven, particularly, but there's always something distasteful when someone publicly rejects the thing that made them famous. But I think the real issue came a couple of years ago where suddenly the Hollywood media machine decided Jessica Biel was the Next Big Thing and that we were going to LOVE HER despite the fact that she'd done really nothing all that embraceable. (Other than having a really great body, which is nothing to sneeze at -- I covet her guns here.) Suddenly she was all over the place and it was totally inexplicable, remember? Like, at the Oscars for no reason at all and named like The Sexiest Sex Symbol In the Universe and whatnot? And it kind of didn't work -- after all, she's not really that much more famous now than she ever was, even if she is dating probably one of the most famous dudes in the world. It's the same thing happened that with Sienna Miller. For a while, the movie-going public was told that we were supposed to be SUPER INTO this person, but we were all like, "....no, thank you. No, seriously. No, thank you. NO THANK YOU SERIOUSLY NOW I HATE THIS GIRL PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS. GOD PLEASE SHUT UP WITH THE ENDLESS YAPPING ABOUT THIS PERSON." So I went through a long period of really wrinkling my nose at Jessica Biel, is what I'm saying. And having said that AT LENGTH, I am able to be objective enough to say that I think she looks kind of great here and I love her lipstick color and the dress is good and she looks pretty. FINE. SHE LOOKS REALLY NICE. Are you happy now, Hollywood, ARE YOU?

Phew. God, I actually feel so much better now. I'm really glad I was able to talk that out. Next, can we tackle my inexplicable and undying love for Mandy Moore? I haven't figured that out yet, but I know it's there!

Well Played

Fug on For One More Day, Yet Actually Well Played, Carnie Wilson

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Better Played, Spencer Grammer

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Well Played, Amanda Seyfried

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Belatedly Well Played, Nicole Kidman

Partly Well Played, Malin Akerman

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Well Played, Paulina Porizkova

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Well Played, Rachel Weisz

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Cannes Well-Played Carpet: Abbie Cornish

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Cannes Well-Played Carpet: SWINTON

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Well Played, Jessica Biel

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