Well Played Archives

December 18, 2008

Fug Spirit/Well Played, Eva Mendes

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Although my irrational and probably totally unfair distain for Sarah Paulson has been well-documented herein, I have to admit that I feel sorry for her this morning. She arrived at the premiere of The Spirit last night in this:

I actually think the dress itself is lovely. But it is not a good color on her, and she's doing herself no favors with her makeup (she needs MORE of it, I think, because otherwise this yellow makes her look super washed out, and sallow), not to mention this bizarrely stern Elmira Gulch-y schoolmarm expression, which she's sporting in nearly every picture.

Maybe she was cranky because she thought she was going to be the only one rocking the canary last night, and then Eva Mendes showed up in this:

Continue reading Fug Spirit/Well Played, Eva Mendes.

December 17, 2008

Well Played, Kate Winslet

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KATE: I want it, Leo. I want the Oscar.

LEO: And you will win one, Kate. ... For HOTNESS.

KATE: Stop clowning. I know I look fabulous. Have you SEEN me?

LEO: I'm either used to the tan, or it's faded. Smashing.

KATE: Next stop, Academy Award.

LEO: I can see you holding it, Kate.

KATE: I have to have it, Leo.

LEO: Squeeze my hand and let's dream together.

KATE: I will not be Susan Lucci, Leo. I will not be the goddamn Susan Lucci of Real Acting.

LEO: I won't let it happen.

KATE: Nineteen tries. It took her NINETEEN TRIES to win the Daytime Emmy. I've had ten tries and I haven't even won a fucking Globe. A GLOBE. They're not even REAL AWARDS.

LEO: Wow, you have one hell of a grip.

KATE: I will NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. I WILL NOT become the Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Roy Roy Montgomery Montgomery Chandler Marick Marick Montgomery of the grown-up awards circuit! NO.

LEO: Can't... feel... fingers...

KATE: I have two more Globe nominations, and let's face it, probably two more Oscar ones coming up, AND ONE OF THEM HAD BETTER PAY OFF, DO YOU HEAR ME?

LEO: All right, all right! But at least you look amazing.

KATE: Well, yes. That is the first step. And then we will conquer the trophies.

LEO: Phew. I thought I was going to lose my hand.

December 11, 2008

Well Played, Brooke Shields (And Also Elizabeth Banks)

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Lipstick Jungle

When I grow up, I want to be Brooke Shields.

She is one big reason -- secret shame alert! -- I'm going to miss Lipstick Jungle if/when it does officially get canceled. Not only is good old Lindsay Price from 90210 really funny and charming and not-emaciated on it, but I love looking at Brooke Shields every week. The woman is gorgeous, and she is totally rocking the hell out of her forties without appearing to have messed with her face. Seriously, I watch her in HD, and she still looks awesome.

There's not even anything that remarkable about her outfit here, other than that she looks lovely and seven-feet-tall in it; really, it's just that she struck me enough to make me ponder for a while how tragic it is that when I hit 40, it will look nothing LIKE that. Hell, when I hit 30, it didn't look anything like that. She should really write a thank-you note to her parents for that DNA. I feel like even Elizabeth Banks, who looks adorable here herself, is secretly thinking, "Damn, Brooke Shields is a tall drink of water, AND she wears huge heels, AND she seems nice and normal, AND she went mano a mano with Crazy Tom Cruise and won. If I weren't so obsessed with telling everyone in every interview just how attractive I am, I would tell everyone how hot Brooke is."

So, well played to both of them, but also, when they invent shape-shifting, I'm totally going to give the Brooke Shields setting a try.

December 9, 2008

The Fugious Fug of Benjamin Button/Well Played, J.Lo

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ANGELINA: It's so nice to see you.

J.LO: Oh, Brad's Lady Person, me duele. This pains me, because I would like to say the same, but I cannot.

ANGELINA: Excuse me?

J.LO: It is clear nobody taught you how to have twins.

ANGELINA: I... what?

J.LO: Look at you in that black thing. I cannot see your boobs. What is the point of getting fat for nine months if you can't make people stand in awe of your hotness when you are fit again?

ANGELINA: Because kids are great? I plan to collect them all!

J.LO: Ah, yes, I love my little tiny tots. But I also love my giant tots -- the ones on my chest. I HYPNOTIZE with them. Try to look away. YOU CANNOT. This is what you must achieve, Angennifer.

ANGELINA: You're mixing me up with...

J.LO: Oh, whatever. You, the Anistperson, it's all the same. You both always wear black. Blah blah blah. You must take a lesson from me, Pitt twig! Lay it all out there! Your boobs are like God's tattoos. They have MEANING. MAKE PEOPLE LOOK. Can it with the sad strapless sheaths. Mis ojos, they burn with shame for your lack of FLASH.

ANGELINA: Thanks for the advice.

J.LO: I mean, LOOK AT ME. Behold:

Continue reading The Fugious Fug of Benjamin Button/Well Played, J.Lo.

November 14, 2008

Well Played, Elizabeth Banks

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grey,
polls

I loved this dress when Mischa Barton wore it in different colors -- many moons ago, before she and her headbands and her unflattering tights recently conspired to chew up my heart, spit it out, and then pick their teeth with my aorta -- and I still rather like it here:

I'm a big fan of grey, although I wish Elizabeth would've resisted the urge to shove her hands in her pockets -- it sort of looks like she's smiling to create the illusion that everything's fine, while secretly rooting around for her pepper spray.

Actually, though... is it just me, or does she look kind of strange in this photo? And no, I am not saying there is anything wrong with her DNA. Obviously, Elizabeth Banks is gorgeous (and boy, is she ever not afraid to tell you that in interviews). But something about the coif and the way she's smiling kind of reminds me of.... okay, bear with me: Picture the end of Back to the Future, when Marty wakes up in 1985 again and -- SPOILER -- his whole family has changed for the better, and Lea Thompson comes swanning in after playing tennis in khaki pants and never breaking a sweat, and her Fortysomething Lady makeup makes her face look kind of plasticky and stiff, and her hairdo is all teased up at the top but flat to her head until it flips out again at the bottom, making her forehead look huge? That's where my mind goes when I look at Elizabeth in this picture. [I wanted to get a screen grab of Hygienic And Healthy-Livered Adult Lorraine, but of course, today is the only day in the history of DirecTV that nobody is showing that movie.] Somehow, Elizabeth's face just looks like a slightly altered version of itself. This of course has NOTHING to do with the clothes, and everything to do with the fact that I keep hoping Michael J. Fox found his way to 1985 again, and is currently doing something that will end in Crispin Glover and the dude who played Biff suddenly appearing in this photo.

poll by twiigs.com

November 14, 2008

Well Played: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Can we take a sec to talk about the Olsens?

Sure, M-K's boots are totally wack and that MIGHT be a poncho she's belted, and (despite my passionate love for vintage and vintage-y coats) I'm not entirely sure about Ashley's outerwear, but let's have some perspective. Remember this? Or this? Or OMG -- this? I'd say they're looking kind of awesome, in comparison. Awesome and healthy and happy. Sure, they're never going to wear Loubs that don't look maybe half a size too big, but let's be honest. It's...well, it's downright refreshing. They look pretty and interesting and...YES. YES. I KIND OF WANT TO READ THEIR BOOK. There. You got it out of me. Are you happy now? Are you?!

November 4, 2008

Well-Playedish, Chloe Sevigny

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blue,
polls

Seriously, dudes, I hate it when Chloe Sevigny shows up places and looks awesome, and it's happening more than it used to.

See? Other than kind of straggly hair -- which, awkwardly, I myself have RIGHT THIS SECOND -- and that questionable choker, she looks totally fine and cute. Maybe even -- HORRORS -- a little boring. Except for the shoes, of course. I want to club her over the head with a sack full of oranges, rip those off her feet and go running into the dark, cold night, laughing uproariously and cradling them to my breast like a precious, precious baby. Because I dig them. A lot. But otherwise, I kind of miss those halcyon days when she used to run around that that Art Garfunkel hair do. So this fills me with ennui.

poll by twiigs.com

November 3, 2008

Well Played, Bai Ling?!?

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Oh, Bai Ling, you are so sly.

[Photo: WENN]

Sure, that looks nice and normal, but we all know better. What've you got on your lower half, eh? A tutu made of human hair? Pants made out of maracas? Bloomers stuffed with cotton balls and cashew nuts? It's got to be SOMETHING crazy. You are Bai freaking Ling, after all.

Or are you:

Continue reading Well Played, Bai Ling?!?.

October 27, 2008

Well Played, Nicole Richie

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metallics

Props to Nicole Richie. Fresh off an amusing role on Chuck, she showed up at this event looking like the proverbial million bucks:

[Photo: Splash News]

Of course, those million bucks only equal about 650,000 British pounds -- before tax -- so she probably shouldn't take the show overseas. But she's deeply hot nonetheless.

October 13, 2008

Well Played, Rachel Bilson

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dialogue

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

RACHEL BILSON: Oh, Hayden.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN: What?

RACHEL: The vest. The VEST. I can't look.

HAYDEN: It's a harness! It's for the commercial I'm shooting. It's not like I'm wearing it to a club.

RACHEL: It looks like a combo lifejacket and nut-sling. What will people SAY?

HAYDEN: They will say, "Hey, Rachel Bilson looks really cute walking next to her boyfriend who is wearing a harness for a commercial he is shooting."

RACHEL: Or they might think you're off your rocker, and that you shouldn't wear scoop-necked tees because you look like a sexually ambiguous French bohemian poet from The Days Of Yore.

HAYDEN: So you're saying I should take this ENTIRE thing off next time we go on a coffee break? Do you know how long it takes me to put it on in the first place?

RACHEL: Hmm. I see your point. Perhaps a very large coat?

HAYDEN: Did I mention you look adorable today? Even WITH the wind blowing your dress around?

RACHEL: Aw. It's true. Okay, fine, you can keep the harness. FOR NOW. I will just carry around a sign that says, "HE'S WEARING IT FOR A JOB, PEOPLE." That should help.

HAYDEN: Hey, would a tiny wager make you feel better? Ten bucks says one of the Pussycat Dolls sees this and orders ten in different shades.

RACHEL: Done... because I think she will order twenty.

Well Played

Fug Spirit/Well Played, Eva Mendes

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Well Played, Kate Winslet

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Well Played, Brooke Shields (And Also Elizabeth Banks)

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The Fugious Fug of Benjamin Button/Well Played, J.Lo

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Well Played, Elizabeth Banks

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Well Played: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Well-Playedish, Chloe Sevigny

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Well Played, Bai Ling?!?

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Well Played, Nicole Richie

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Well Played, Rachel Bilson

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