Well Played Archives

October 2, 2008

Well Played, Emma Watson

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Harry Potter

Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson, YOU GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW.

[Photo: Splash News]

How DARE you go traipsing around Paris being photographed in adorable coats and cute jackets and pants that make me want to run right out and shop for winter clothes. Don't you realize that it's approximately eleventy degrees Fahrenheit in my L.A. neighborhood? To the point where the air-conditioning in my car only cools off whatever parts of me it's hitting directly, because the outside heat is so oppressive that the rest of the vehicle stays hot? Why are you hurting me this way?

I mean, seriously, that jacket looks good on you:

Continue reading Well Played, Emma Watson.

October 1, 2008

Well Played AGAIN, Paris Hilton (Sigh)

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It's killing me that Paris has been looking so cute lately.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I love this dress. And her hair still works. Granted, it was really hard to find any kind of picture of this outfit that didn't include her contorting into a douchey pose -- back jutting out and hips thrown forward, legs crossed so far you could lie a small child down between her heels, back to the camera -- but otherwise, it's great. I'm ashamed to admit that this almost makes me see some advantages to being her BFF. Sure, she'd never defend me if one of her other posse members decided to pick on me, and she'd probably trash-talk my only pair of Louboutins and then either steal them for herself or dump a vodka-cranberry on them to ensure their speedy ruin, and she'd probably put peroxide in my shampoo if anyone ever said that they liked my hair. I'm sure we'd hit the clubs and I'd wake up the next day with her face tattooed on my calf and no memory. And it's entirely possible she'd rig my pants so that they fell down in public, just so she could get a laugh and then swoop in and save the day and make sure I knew how much I needed her and never, EVER to cross her or else photos of my raggedy ass would be splashed all over the Internet.

BUT, she'd probably let me shop with her, and in a weak moment I'd probably get an appointment with her hair dude and/or take home some cast-offs that are too big for her. It MIGHT be worth it.

** Ooh, except that some readers with better eagle-eyes than I have -- at least when it comes to Paris's boobs -- have pointed out that the weird reflection on her chest MIGHT be some sort of nipple-covering device. Although I can't really fault her for wanting to hide them (since most of the time she seems hell-bent on showing off as much of herself as possible), that simple fact is saving me from slipping further down this rabbit hole. Thank GOD.

September 30, 2008

Well Played, Katy Perry

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grey,
pink

It's always a relief when Katy Perry isn't wearing hot pants, or tight satin, or outfits with unexplained airplanes all over the place.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Although maybe that just means my standards for her are far too low, and she could leave the house in a purple bedsheet and I'd praise her to the heavens for not acting like the flesh incarnation of Betty Boop. But honestly, I think she looks cute here. It's still a bold color, the coat is kind of edgy without being garish, and even the length doesn't stumpify her the way it might a lot of other people. It's almost -- dare I say it -- classy. And definitely still fun.

Or in other, more punny words, I unfugged a girl and I liked it.

September 26, 2008

Well Played: PARIS HILTON?!?!?!!!!

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green

It has been an extremely long week, so it's possible that I've entirely taken leave of my senses, but I feel like...Paris Hilton looked kind of great heading into see Letterman:

That color is great on her, that dress isn't too fussy. I don't care for the bag, but she looks sort of like....chic and relaxed. What's the DEAL? Is it because she's all in love? Is it because she's mellowing with age? Is it her hair cut?

Seriously, let's look at the haircut:

Continue reading Well Played: PARIS HILTON?!?!?!!!!.

September 16, 2008

Comparatively Well Played: The Pussycat Dolls

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dialogue

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

MELODY: Oh, shoot, Nicole, I just realized something.

NICOLE: What's that?

MELODY: No, don't look up -- keep your head down, keep moving forward, let's just get out of here as fast as we can.

NICOLE: Why?

MELODY: Well, we're two of the Pussycat Dolls.

NICOLE: And this embarrasses you NOW?

MELODY: No, no, I mean... look at us.

NICOLE: I don't follow.

MELODY: No corsets. No rubber. No latex.

NICOLE: ... Oh, God. Wait, I thought YOU were going to wear the crotchless hot pants with polka-dot tights and suspenders made of human hair!

MELODY: WELL I DIDN'T.

NICOLE: Shoot. Robin Antin is going to kill us. Is there a tutu shop nearby?

MELODY: All is not lost. At least I'm wearing some fairly unattractive high-waisted shorts.

NICOLE; Oh, thank God, and whatever you've got over your arm has fringe on it, doesn't it? We're going to be okay! I can turn that into something deranged, I'm just sure of it.

MELODY: Let's find a phone booth...

NICOLE: Ew, YOU find a phone booth. I'll find a bathroom.

MELODY: Whatever. Just hurry up, because we don't want any more photos of us looking relatively normal. Robin will take away our credit cards.

September 8, 2008

Letter of Truth: Part Well-Played

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metallics

OH. MY. GOD. Y'ALL. Where have I been for the last year or whatever?

I think I heard something about something about how it's totally depressing to make fun of someone's outfits when her outfits are the least of her problems or something? I don't know. I wasn't paying any attention. I don't know if y'all are aware, but I have had a craaaazy year this last year. That chapter in my autobiography (working title: Cheetos: A Love Story) is going to be juicy. That's all I'm saying. Lifetime Television For Women juicy and I am so playing myself as Young Britney and then Kim Cattrall can play me when I'm old, just like in Crossroads. Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and tell all y'all that I'm feeling much better and if you're blind or whatever and reading this in like Braille or something, I also really just want you to know that I also look TOTALLY AWESOME and really cute and in good shape and with a decent weave for once and also completely self-actualized and full of inner something or other -- I don't know. Dr Phil keeps calling and leaving these long-ass messages on my machine about letting my inner self-esteem elephant trample the lawn of my self-image or something and that reminds me I need to call him and tell him to leave me alone because I so don't need a new man in my life. Just this hot ass outfit. Suck on it, Timberlake. You too, Federline. And all the rest of all y'all. I told you I'd be back. It just TOOK ME A WHILE. GOD.

LOVE YOU MISSED YOU MEAN IT

BRITNEY.

September 2, 2008

Well Played, Diane Kruger

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basic (or unbasic) black

I just got sucked into watching National Treasure the other night, and boy, is everything about that movie laughably terrible, including -- but certainly not limited to -- Diane Kruger's performance. And Nicolas Cage's hair. Seriously, he needs to donate his piece to the Smithsonian or something. Then maybe National Treasure 3 can be about how the underside of his toupe has a map to the bank where he deposited his paychecks for the first two movies.

Anyway, clearly, I am not surfing any raging tide of goodwill toward Diane Kruger, which is how I know I must really like this dress. There is something so deliciously Grace Kelly about it:

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

Generally I'm not a huge fan of the black transparent stuff -- which I'm sure is its technical name -- but this entire outfit catapults me to another time in such a romantic way. I could totally see her playing Princess Grace in an elaborate biopic called Dial M For Monaco, all about Grace's alleged and actual lovers and full of dishy stunt-casting. Ewan McGregor as Bing Crosby! Robert Downey, Jr., as Oleg Cassini (putting that mustache of his to better use -- I don't buy that Sherlock Holmes excuse; the Piped Wonder doesn't NEED a welcome mat under his nose). And good ol' Pacey Witter up there looks pretty dapper in his tux. Since I've heard his new FOX show is a bit terrible, maybe art can imitate life and Josh Jackson can swoop in as Prince Rainier and romance the hairpins out of her.

Great, now I need a yacht and a Mimosa. That is so unfair on the first morning back from a yachtless long weekend.

August 14, 2008

Well Played, Tyra Banks

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ANTM,
polls

It shocks me to say this about anyone with crimped hair, but... I think Tyra Banks looks pretty great here, actually:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

I mean, this is a woman who usually looks like she plucked her gown off a window in Versailles, or as if she is actually an aristocrat Marie Antoinette's court who is about a week away from a sweaty revolutionary giving her the chop for her excesses. She is also prone to coifs that look like an homage to a fruit bowl. And that's just scratching the surface. Tyra Banks is nothing if not a comparative science, and I have to say, this simpler dress with all the bracelets is refreshingly chic and sleek after all that hoo-ha. Sure, the material lays a little lumpy in places, but... seriously, whenever I have second thoughts about whether this dress is worth a pat on the back, I click back on that link to what she wore to the Daytime Emmys and it's an affirmation. Yes, I cherish Tyra for all her overwrought excesses -- hers is in my top five of Wig Closets And Wardrobes I Must Visit Before I Die -- but sometimes it's nice to see a reminder that there's a lovely woman underneath all that hair and slap and pounds of fabric.

poll by twiigs.com

August 8, 2008

Better Played, Katie Holmes

Y'all, I think there's been a breakthrough: Check out what Katie Holmes wore to rehearsal today.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

No pegged jeans in sight. VICTORY IN OUR TIME. Sure, it may be temporary, but I'm having a giddy ask-and-ye-shall-receive moment here; we suggested a maxi dress and we got one (not that I think we had anything to do with it, since I doubt Katie is ever given permission to surf the Internet for anything other than rare, out-of-print L. Ron Hubbard books). I'm so relieved that you're free of your outmoded-pants prison, Katie, that I won't even start a pregnancy rumor, I promise. I'm just going to enjoy the fact that we can be friends again. You can come over and we'll paint our fingernails and talk about boys and watch reruns of Dawson's Cree... um, I mean, Felicity. And maybe make you a wig out of pipe cleaners so that you've got that awesome bob back. See you tonight! Bring cash for pizza.

July 31, 2008

Well Played: Pamela Anderson

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wearing white

I have some conflicting feelings about Pamela Anderson. For one thing, I used to suspect she was really quite savvy. But lately, her shtick is wearing thin. For instance, her new reality show, Girl on the Loose? At 41 years old, is it really that brilliant for her to be marketing herself as a girl on the loose? Isn't it about time for her to be a Grown Woman Whose Maturity Only Makes Her Sexier and More Desirable On the Loose? -- although, admittedly, that's not quite as catchy. Basically, at a certain point, running around without pants starts looking kind of desperate, and every time I see the billboard for this show, in which Pammy is wearing naught but a bodysuit and a hat, I don't think, "Wow, that is an amazing example of how you can grow and mature without losing any of your allure"; I think, "That is so sad." I'm not saying she needs to put it away because - gasp! -- she's over 40. On the contrary, the Sexy Woman of a Certain Age trend is one of my favorites (thank you, Helen Mirren), not least because eventually we'll all be of a certain age and I don't think any of us are planning to shelve our cute jeans for muumuus. I'm saying she needs to keep putting it on the table, just in a new and different way. We all need to slightly reinvent ourselves occasionally, right? Which is why I was pleased to see this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Ding ding ding ding! Seriously sexy but not nearly as obvious as running around in only a large tee shirt. Thank you for listening, Pam. Now, let's talk about you and Tommy Lee...

Well Played

Well Played, Emma Watson

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Well Played AGAIN, Paris Hilton (Sigh)

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Well Played, Katy Perry

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Well Played: PARIS HILTON?!?!?!!!!

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Comparatively Well Played: The Pussycat Dolls

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Letter of Truth: Part Well-Played

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Well Played, Diane Kruger

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Well Played, Tyra Banks

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Better Played, Katie Holmes

Well Played: Pamela Anderson

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