Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Fug or Fab: Rachel Bilson

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This is the part where I talk about how cute Rachel Bilson is, and it's true. She IS really cute.

Oh, Rachel. I remember when you were on The O.C, and The O.C was good, and we were all so happy and young. Now I'm old, and you don't have a job. Which, by the way, is crazy: you're charming. You seriously should have a TV gig. In this outfit, actually, you look like you're on your way to the set of a TV version of Reality Bites -- because the 90s are ripe for a period piece nighttime soap -- in which you play, obviously, the Winona Ryder character. It's debatable whether or not I would still RELATE to the Winona Ryder character, as the last time I caught that movie on cable, I wanted to shake her and explain that dating the super hot slacker SEEMS like a good idea when you're 22, but it's actually NOT because that dude will flake on you for the remainder of your relationship and eventually maybe start hitting on your best friend. In fact, I just realized that I think the Ethan Hawke character in Reality Bites is essentially Justin-Bobby. DON'T DATE JUSTIN-BOBBY. It ends in tears.

Also debatable: the relative success of this 90s-inspired little get-up. I kinda like it, but it might just be nostalgia for the time when I didn't have gray hair. (I'm lying, you know. I had gray hair at 18. I've ALWAYS had gray hair.)

poll by twiigs.com

Played, Scarlett Johansson

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polls,
red

Before you write in and point out that I'm missing a word in the title of this post, I did that on purpose. I'm not super deeply in love with this ScarJo dress, but I don't think she's played it badly, so a regular post or a "Fug Or Fab" seem out of bounds. That's why it seems more appropriate merely to point out that she has indeed worn an outfit -- an outfit that I THINK I do at least LIKE once I distract myself from how much makeup she's wearing, EXCEPT...

... Can anyone tell me what those marks are on her calves? (Why I noticed these, and not Blake Lively's blotchy chest makeup from earlier today, I don't know.) They don't look like a bronzer accident; at first I thought they were footless nylons, but I don't think that's the case either. They almost remind me of the marks I get on my ankles if my gym socks are too tight. Or like how some guys don't grow hair below that point on their legs, because their socks rub the follicles or they tape their ankles for sports, or whatever the heck the reason is. Has Scarlett been logging too many hours on the treadmill or something? Is she wearing duct-tape socks that have eaten away at her pigment? I'm curious. Slap a tail on me, shove a banana in my mouth, and call me George.

Also: I remember a while ago there was a story on one of the tabloid sites about Scarlett Johansson feeling the need to deny rumors that she's dropped fifteen pounds. My first thought was probably something along the lines of, "Jessica Simpson is going to stab something when she reads this story." My second thought was, "Why do I find it impossible to remember that she's married to Ryan Reynolds? And how RANDOM did that feel? And do they ever actually spend time in each other's company, excepting that time she showed up on Saturday Night Live when he hosted?" And THEN I wondered where Scarlett Johansson would've found fifteen pounds to shave off even if she'd wanted to do so. But in looking at this photo, I do think she is skinnier, and that possibly her denial was just semantics -- in the sense that fifteen may not be the exact correct number of pounds she has lost, which is akin to saying, three days before your 22nd birthday, that it's untrue that you are 22: Technically you are setting the record straight, but it's splitting hairs. I don't think Scarlett needed to drop any weight (and in fact I suspect it was just a by-product of training for her Iron Man 2 role, rather than anything she did on purpose), but I don't think she looks unhealthy. It's just... different. It's not what we're used to from her. I do hope she will resume a worshipful relationship with sandwiches, but at least she's not veering into Lindsay Lohan territory here, and for that we can all be thankful.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

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We've been a bit hard on Blake Lively for the flesh parade she likes to throw for herself every time she goes outside. It's not that we don't understand the temptation to show off what you've got; we just tend to believe it's okay to, say, skip the all-you-can-eat buffet in favor of a tasty sit-down dinner that's filling, yes, but also leaves you wanting to come back for more.

Ergo, I think this is sort of cute.

There's a HINT of cleavage, and plenty of leg. I'm sure if she turns around we'll find out there's no back and that her rump equator is showing, or something, but for now let's assume that's not true. There IS something sort of 1994 Amanda Woodward Goes To Work about this -- minus the mules, thankfully -- but I would also like to point out that Amanda Woodward was, is, and shall always be a total badass. I mean, what if Blake was doing the whole Alison Gets An Ill-Conceived Bob And Turns Into A Boozy Bitch Who Also Wears Mules thing? Or the Jane Mancini Bowl Cut of 1993? As Melrose Place influences go, this is really not so bad.

poll by twiigs.com

Unfug It Up: Martha Plimpton

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pattern problems

This is....intriguing.

If I may be frank ("Hello, Frank!"), I kind of like the fabric, although I think I would rather have it on a series of throw pillows in my fictional pool cabana than on a dress, pillows perhaps to be found under my head whilst Josh Jackson massages my feet and explains that Diane Kruger is SO OKAY with him leaving her for me that she's sent me $10,000 worth of Louboutins as a congratulatory gift. And the dress itself feels reminiscent of Lucy Ricardo, getting up to some shenangians with Ethel while Ricky is very busy doing something with bongos at the Tropicana. And that something, of course, may turn out to be HILARIOUS, but is probably not going to be super ATTRACTIVE as it will more than likely involve a face plant into a pastry of some kind. Listen, Martha Plimpton, what I'm saying is: I want to see more skin. You were in The Goonies. Represent.

But what do you think? Down here, in the comments, it's your time. Be excellent to one another.

Fugkira

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performances

I was less prolific in my coffee-shop exile because I was so concerned that the blinding light would lead me to write all about what a heinous orange suit someone is wearing, and then a reader will e-mail me to point out that it's actually a white cardigan. Fortunately, a) my home Internet is working -- thank you, AT&T; we are in love again -- and b) I saw Shakira's Saturday Night Live performance outfit on my home TV, with unscorched retinas, and I can confirm that yes, it DOES seem like she glued giant shoulder pads to her hips:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

GLITTERING shoulder pads, no less. Maybe her hips started lying, after all, and so she's desperately trying to hide that fact from from America's eagle eyes. All I know is, I'm laying 3-1 odds on Johnny Weir wearing this exact outfit at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

Fabiola Berafuga

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polls,
socialites

You guys, I am useless when I have to work at The Coffee Bean. Not that I'm not unappreciative of its ability to provide me Internet access when my DSL fails me, but this particular one has only two outlets, both of which force me to sit somewhere near the surface of the sun and squint and wear sunglasses in order to see my screen. Half the time this means I don't even have a good sense of what I'm looking at in the photos. I am reasonably sure this is Fabiola Beracasa, but if you e-mailed me and said, "How could you not notice that she's wearing a vest made of parrot feet?" then my response would be, "Because I am 90 percent blinded by the sunlight." Parenthetically, my home phone and DSL provider (who shall remain anonymous, but it rhymes with Way Fee & Fee) is going to get an angry letter from me: I have two infants at home and no proper 911 service for a week now, and supposedly they're not fixing anything until Friday night. What if something happens to them? What if I were a cell-phone-free little old lady with no way to call anyone in an emergency? What if someone breaks into my house to steal the twins? What if there is a fashion emergency and I can't see the photos? What if I fall and I can't get up? What if my house explodes and the only thing standing is my land line, and no one can use it to call the authorities? What if Intern George only has my home phone number and he's been trying to call to invite me to his villa and he's about to give up because it just rings and rings and rings? Come on, Flay Schmee & Schmee. For real. IT WAS JUST A LITTLE RAIN. MY GOD. GEORGE CLOONEY. BABIES.

Ahem. On to Fabiola:

I am not ENTIRELY sure, but I think this is the stuff the Wynn casino in Las Vegas uses on the awnings over the table games, and/or that she is working catering at a Mystere-themed cocktail party. But since my eyes are not a reliable tool today, I need you to confirm or reject my assessment.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Snore: Hilary Swank

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green

First of all, am I the only person that thinks this Amelia Earhart movie looks like a total snooze? I might be biased because I kind of hate Hilary Swank's hair in it -- which I know is historically accurate, so I should just shut it -- and her accent in the trailer sounds like she is having problems talking around a mouthful of fake teeth. Or maybe it's just all the scenery in her mouth. (You know that I'll probably LOVE IT after I see it, right? My first impressions are nearly always wrong.) So, I know that I am deeply biased in thinking this is also a snoreathon:

I mean, okay, look: the dress is gorgeous, ostensibly. I can't really say anything bad about it. It's pretty. I just feel like there's no HERE HERE. There's no THERE THERE. There's no ANYTHING ANYWHERE. Girlfriend needs some jewelry or...something. Before I lose consciousness.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug City

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caftans,
The City

So, we got to go to the Lucky Magazine/Madewell jeans party last night, and it was extremely entertaining. Any party that features wee tiny sandwiches is aces in my book, as you all know, not to mention the fact that it's refreshing not to be a constant shut-in. Anyhoodle, it was full of the kind of cute girls who are in Lucky as a matter of course and at one point, from behind my pile of mini-grilled cheeses, I saw Erin Lucas -- who you may know as Whitney's roomie on The City last season, with the bangs -- float by. And I turned to my friend and said, "Hey, there's Erin who used to be on The City, with the bangs," and then we thought no more of it. BUT! I wish I had paid better attention to her outfit, because today, I was presented with irrefutable evidence that it was THIS:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The other day, someone found GFY by searching for the phrase "PROM CAFTANS," and now that I've seen this, I'm concerned that might actually be A THING. PLEASE DON'T MAKE THAT A THING, AMERICA.

Fug or Fab: Paula Patton

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basic (or unbasic) black

Too much? Not enough? Just right? Trying to decide if she was ready to leave the house in this must have been a Three Bearsian Nightmare for Pretty Pretty Paula Patton. I suspect this thing is made of just raw fabric, whipped into shape by a particularly ingenious stylist, but no one asked me. No one EVER asks me.

Paula Patton: pretty.
This dress: questionable.

poll by twiigs.com

Fugman Begins

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I must be honest. I am glad Katie Holmes is out and about again. I got bored without having her haircuts to monitor. I kind of like this in-betweeny cut, possibly because mine is looking kind of like this right now.

However, my bra is not visible. Clearly, that's where everything has gone so wrong for me. First, I turned down that role in Dawson's Creek,* then I told Tom Cruise I had to think about his hasty but flattering proposal of marriage,** then I put on a shirt through which Hollywood could not see my undies.*** That's why she's a gajillionaire and I am a mere thousandaire. Oh, well. Next time.

* Never happened.
** Ditto, although I probably would have accepted said proposal, just because, "when I was briefly engaged to Tom Cruise" is a REALLY GOOD opener to cocktail party stories. Also because of Top Gun. Just a little bit. But still.
*** I'm actually not wearing a top.

Fug or Fab: Rachel Bilson

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Played, Scarlett Johansson

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Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

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Unfug It Up: Martha Plimpton

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Fugkira

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Fabiola Berafuga

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Fug or Snore: Hilary Swank

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Fug City

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Fug or Fab: Paula Patton

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Fugman Begins

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