Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

FugFug, Fug Fug, Gossip Fug

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Gossip Girl,
SIGH

Well, this didn't take long. Ms. Momsen extracted a compliment from the jaws of doom yesterday, but later on at the same event, she ditched that dress in favor of something a little more typically Taylor:

With the candles and the curtains and the thigh-highs and the sheer bits, she fully looks like she's inviting you to the back room for a lap dance. For which you would be arrested, BECAUSE SHE IS SIXTEEN OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES IS SHE GOING TO GIVE ME THIS SAME ANEURYSM CHILD PLEASE YOU ARE TURNING ME INTO A SHRILL OLD HARPY I JUST WANT YOU TO STOP PLAYING COURTNEY LOVE AND HOLY CATS I HAVE GOT TO HAVE A DIET COKE IN THE NEXT TWENTY SECONDS.

Twenty-five seconds later...

Well. Even Diet Coke didn't help. I think I need a 12-step group to cope with her pathological need to skip out on her youth. Sweetpea, trust me, you will miss that when it's gone. Don't try to be in your twenties now, because then you'll be in your thirties when you're actually 20, and although I have had a great run in that decade so far, I am pretty sure I would love another ten years in my twenties to do better moisturizing. So please don't grow up so fast.

Fug Months

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I've been staring at this for like twenty minutes and it's turning into a Fug Mad Libs in my head.

Like: Julianne Moore is [COMPLIMENTARY ADJECTIVE] and I really loved her in [JULIANNE MOORE PROJECT THAT ISN'T EVOLUTION]. But this is [NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE] and makes her look like [ELEGANT PHRASE MEANING 'WEARING A CRUMPLED SACK]. This is a shame, because [MOORE-CENTRIC COMPLIMENT], but [AARON SPELLING REFERENCE]. On the other hand, [SWEET VALLEY HIGH] and [I MISS THE PELDON SISTERS].

Fug The Cover: Kristen Bell

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Lucky

So, between Forgetting Sarah Marshall and her recent Q&A thing with Entertainment Weekly, I have decided I totally like Kristen Bell. I mean, the girl admitted to watching Tool Academy. Anyone who shares my obsession with that show -- which yielded a contestant who called himself Matsuflex; the quote, "You may be dead but what's in my pants is very much alive"; eliminates people by saying, "I'm sorry, you're just a tool"; inspires the contestants to get rabid about protecting the integrity of the academy (seriously); and features them coping with anger by tearing off their shirts -- rates highly in my book.

As does this dress:

I know it's kind of busy, and I know that I can't completely tell what the pattern is because I'm squinting at my laptop screen due to the fact that I'm forced to work at a Coffee Bean that appears to be located on the surface of the sun. The skirt, through my near-closed eyes, reminds me a bit of very cold bumblebees being squashed, although maybe that's just me projecting my dislike of bees. Yes, I've heard they have secret lives, but they also want to violate my flesh, which is NOT OKAY.

Anyway: Regardless of all that, I think this is cute on her. Much more befitting of a girl who seemed, in that EW questionnaire, like she might be fun to hang out with, or whose DVR list at least might resemble mine. Which means that if she walks in here to order a pumpkin ice-blended in five minutes, I can walk up to her and be all, "Dude, what is UP with Hillbilly Tool wanting to use his prize money to buy 200 trailers?!?" and she'll go, "I KNOW, and I totally miss Matsuflex and that other tool whose girlfriend that brought him to the academy got ousted in favor of his ACTUAL girlfriend of six years that she didn't know existed, and who at the reunion show had a THIRD girlfriend who was pregnant!" Sigh. Good times.

Unlike this cover:

Continue reading Fug The Cover: Kristen Bell.

Shutter Fugland

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OH EMILY WATSON NO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NO. NO. NOOOO.

Well Played, Mischa Barton?

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blue

I have a confession to make. I totally was watching Mischa Barton's show, The Beautiful Life: TBL, even though every single time they went to commercial, I was like, "WHY THE 'TBL'? That's like calling Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl: GG, or One Tree Hill, One Tree Hill: OTH, or my personal favorite, 90210: 90210." And I just realized that I am pretty sure Heather made that joke already, back when it was timely, but STILL. We should have KNOWN it wasn't going to be any good. But I still mourned its loss: how am I supposed to know what happened to the Hot Dumb Boy Model Whose Dad Is Literally A Farmer Who Grouses About The Harvest, or the Hot Blonde Sweet Model Whose Dad Is Russian Mafia, or Mischa Barton, whose character had A SECRET BABY?? (That all makes it sounds better than it really was, of course: it was no Melrose Place: MP, which is legitimately juicy fun.) Anyway, I sort of wanted to support poor Mischa. She's having a rough year. But maybe things are looking up?

Mischa has always cleaned up beautifully. I mean, say what you will about her outfits or her acting -- we sure have -- but I think she has a great face. And I sort of love this dress, in part because the neckline is unusual but not CRAAAAZY, and it frames said face so nicely. Also, I am obsessed with navy blue.

Let's check out the back:

Continue reading Well Played, Mischa Barton?.

Lindsay Lofug II: Return of the Lofug

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This woman is only 23 years old.

And she swears she's on the wagon.

Tell me another one, Linds. Would someone of sound mind wear THOSE shoes with THAT dress? I didn't think so.

PS: I suggest you save the icicles for the rain gutters of your condo.

Fug or Fab: Taylor Momsen

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Okay, let's take everything we know about T. Mom and set it aside: the years of cranky expressions (including this one), KISS-inspired face paint, and general surly mien. Cleanse your Momsen palate. Pretend you've never seen this girl before. You have fashion amnesia:

What do you think? "Wow, that cranky-looking girl in the flesh-colored number is pulling that whole look off in a way I would not have anticipated, if I knew anything about her, which I don't. Where am I again?" or "I find those fishnets a brave and intriguing choice. This irritated looking woman reminds me of a vaguely sexy zombie! I love it! What's my name?" or "What a bowl of surprisingly delicious oatmeal! Once this woman -- whomever she may be -- cuts loose those flammable extensions, she'll look positively fashion-forward! Who are you again?" or "Ew, AGAIN, person on CW? WHY?"

poll by twiigs.com

Lindsay Lofug

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I can only hope that these pants are from Lindsay's Fall Leggings Line, which will have ventured out from being solely leggings and moved into being a purveyor of all sorts of tight pants:

That is, I'm pretty sure they're pants. They might be....brace yourselves, dear readers.... incredibly high-waisted shorts layered over tights. Look, I know Lilo has problems: violated paroles; unsuccessful stewardships of fashion houses; girlfriend drama; parents incapable of communicating in an effective and compassionate manner, much less in a way that doesn't involve People magazine; looming interventions; hair that suddenly recalls the finer work of Brett Michaels, etc. The question is: do these pants/shorts solve or ameliorate said issues? Or do they only pile onto the sweaty, toothless scrum that is Lilo's daily dramz? Exactly.

poll by twiigs.com

Better Played, Rose McGowan?

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There was much discussion recently about Ms Rose McGowan's wardrobial choices. I must admit that there's something kind of charming about her most current ensemble:

I don't know how I feel about the dress ITSELF -- I enjoy that it's quasi-Marilyn Monroe a la "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend," but I suspect she needs a chunky fabulous bracelet if she's going to make the (probably wise) choice to skip the gloves -- but I can't help but be amused by the expression on her face. She looks very, "Now you want me to stand over here? Really? Whatever you say, photo dude. Just make up your mind."

She totally mugged for the cameras once she got to her mark, too:

Continue reading Better Played, Rose McGowan?.

Well Played, Helen Mirren

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Hello, Helen Mirren.

You're awesome.

That's all.

Love,

Jessica

FugFug, Fug Fug, Gossip Fug

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Fug Months

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Fug The Cover: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

Shutter Fugland

Fug file:

Well Played, Mischa Barton?

Fug file:

Lindsay Lofug II: Return of the Lofug

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Taylor Momsen

Fug file:

Lindsay Lofug

Fug file:

Better Played, Rose McGowan?

Fug file:

Well Played, Helen Mirren

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